The white plumes of smoke blossomed from the chimney's of the Sistine Chapel announcing the selection of a new Pope.
"Habemus papam" the crowed roared. Pope Francis I, the first Irishman to ever hold the Papal Seat is expected to bring long needed reform to the Church.
Anne O'Leary, CEO of O'Leary Air and longtime friend of His Holiness, called a Press Conference to welcome the new Pontiff and to answer questions about the type of reform we can expect.
"Now we all know Francis here" she yelled into the microphone. "And there's two things His Holiness likes and that's women and shagging. So I think we can expect some change that will have a positive impact in our lives."
"First off, he's hired new guards to protect his person."
"He also got rid of that ridiculous looking Pope Mobile and replaced it with a more modern style."
"Changes are already taking place at St. Peter's in anticipation of the Easter Mass."
"And because His Holiness believes that what's good for the Pope is good for the people, he's lifted the ban on contraception."
"They'll be shagging in the streets of Dublin by dawn!" Ms. O'Leary screamed right before she passed out.
Now Francis doesn't know I've done this, but as the big fella isn't at work today, I just might get away with it. Shhhh, don't anyone tell him..