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Friday, February 15, 2013

Lord Rays Privy

Lord Ray, was fastidious as a child. Proud of his fine clothes, he was always careful when he took a meal, tucking a bib into his shirt lest it should get a crumb of food on it. It was a terrible shame then when he was struck with the condition known as "Malicious Bowelitis".  This condition plagued the Rousell men and didn't show itself until they came of age. Ray certainly hoped the gene would skip his generation-but it was not to be.

On the morning of his 13th birthday, a terrible scream could be heard coming from his bedroom. Within minutes all the upstairs help was running out the front door of the Manor with their hands covering their noses. A powerful stench so foul it caused some to vomit, followed in their wake.


The family had no choice but to build an outdoor privy deep in the woods for Ray, lest the odour of his morning "movements" render the entire household unconscious.


A local peasant who had lost the ability to taste and to smell was hired to guard the privy when Ray needed to use it.

He would remain in Lord Rays service for his entire life for as Ray grew, so did his odour.

I added a close-up of the face as I think it turned out pretty well. I wanted to give the figure a bit of a "wild-eyed"  look.

This is a 28mm sculpt from Hell Dorado and I'm really enjoying painting their figures.

Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, my fellow Irish person,  Francis Lee apparently lost his mind. For on his page is a hideous Ogress that he put a blonde wig on and named Anne. You can find the offending post HERE. Will I get even with him or will I strike him down with Irish guilt?  Only time will tell.

Well folks it's Friday and the end of a long week. So have a laugh at someone elses expense and if that fails, have one at yourself. I know I did.


79 comments:

  1. Oh Anne...I'm so happy I just checked in. You absolutely made me smile! I'm gonna go read Fran's post now!

    Hope all us well with you!!! xx

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    Replies
    1. It's good to see you out and about. I'm still struggling with depression. This one is bad and I finally had to call my therapist because I didn't know if I could get through it. Things just have to get better in my life soon is what it boils down to.

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    2. I completely understand how you feel. Some days I feel like if this shit storm doesn't stop soon I will lose my mind! We will get there. Sooner than later I hope! You keep hanging tough...and if you need anything, you know where to find me! Much love!

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    3. The shit storm has gone on for too long for both of us. I hope yours is resolved soon. I'm pretty sure we're looking at another year on ours. But when we win, we will win big!!

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  2. That made me laugh. Sure Ray will be amused. Excellent painting on the peasant by the way.

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  3. "Malicious bowelitis" - love it!!

    Great work on the privy and Ray's Privy Guard. Excellent detailing :)

    I hope you haven't done Fran's figure yet - you'll be able to get your own back for the vile calumny he posted! *evil grin*

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    1. I couldn't get the arms to stay on his figure so I had to buy another one. And you know what? I ended up buying three to represent his character. Yeah, three. Cost me a lot of money. And all three sculpts are done my Tom Meier who is the best American miniature sculptor to grace the planet. And the fecker goes and makes me as an Ogress. Have you ever seen two Irish people fight? Well you're about to :)

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  4. I think striking him down with Irish guilt counts as getting back. What's scary about this figure is how much it does resemble Ray to a degree.

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  5. Great painting Anne. The out house is very cool too!

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  6. Well, you just zapped Ray, so it's only a matter of time before Fran goes down as well.

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  7. Ahahahahah... No comments from Ray?... :-P

    Marzio.

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  8. Hola
    JAJAJAJA que simpatica la escena que cuenta las figuras,me encanta,la caseta muy buena
    un saludo

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  9. Replies
    1. In his privy
      Guarded by his skivvy

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    2. Good one you guys hahahahaha.

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    3. Do I have to be his henchwoman in the story? Buying all these posies to mask the stench is ruining me financially! ;)

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    4. Unfortunately, you do. You and Michael Awdry were the only two people I could get to agree to have anything to do with him. Everyone else demanded enormous sums of money-up front.

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    5. Drat, double drat and triple drat! And I don't recall agreeing to anything - I simply didn't take a step backwards quickly enough ;)

      Guess I'm just going to have to supplement my meagre stipend by taking bribes to look the other way when assassins come to try to kill him.

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  10. Very nice figure and very beautiful colors Anne , I love the expression on the face.
    Great Job

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    1. I took pics of this in progress and I may post a tutorial next week on him. I need to learn how to do those.

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  11. It makes me very happy that they make a miniature outhouse and that you bought and painted said miniature outhouse and that you wrote a detailed fable about the miniature outhouse and the guy who stinks it up whom you also painted. True happiness. With Francis Lee coming at you like that, I hope it means the imminent return of O'Leary Air.

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    1. They make some really cool stuff. I just bought a twisted fairy tale version of Peter Pan and Tinker Bell. Tink is carrying a stuffed teddy bear with dynamite strapped around his waste. I love this hobby!

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  12. LOL Ray sure is the shit, literally hahaha at least he has a guard. Although with his proposed stench that may be kind of redundant as an attacer would be knocked unconscious before getting near him. Passing gas works for my little rhyming ass.

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    1. It is said that no flor or fauna will grow in the place where his Privy sat. Even today the environmentalists declare the site as "Hazardous Waste"

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  13. At least the door is shut? Very nice work.

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  14. His face looks a tad scary in that close-up, but otherwise he seems like the nice, smelly dude you make him out to be. ;D

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  15. Nice work on the crapper! Hehehe. serious great job!

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  16. Bloody nice innit ah??? I'll have you know my botty is as sweet smelly as, as, as as................oh sod it , I'm off!

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    1. I think it turned out rather well. According to Francis (who may or may not be in my black books), you spend half an hour or more on the crapper at work. 'Twas from that the idea for this post was born :)

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    2. Oh my gosh! Insider information on the backstory of the post - I love it!

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    3. Ray is notorious for his crapfests at work :)

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  17. Family history can be a blast. The caretaker is armed with some interesting tools of the outhouse trade. I wouldn't want to cross paths with him on a "three dayer!"

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad someone noticed that shovel as I thought how lucky it was that I had a figure on hand that was carrying one. He's a great sculpt and was an easy and quick one to do.

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  18. Great work, on this friendly man and on his "little house"...
    Phil.

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  19. Beautiful !
    it's a very good figure and you've done a great painting work on it!

    I think that it's a good revenge to the Anne's Orcs Queen !
    (I've let a message on the Francis Lee's blog ... )

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    1. I hope you defended my honour Samwise :)

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  20. oh, Lurk will be so happy with this post, Annzie :) He and Ray are like Asterix and Obelix of the blogosphere....

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    1. I do think they are starcrossed lovers. In a previous life I am sure they were wed.

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    2. oooh, I love a juice previous life karma gossip, dahlink. What do you think who wore the wedding gown of them two? :)
      Oh, they will so kill us if they happen to read other people's comments :)

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    3. I'm going with Ray for the gown for sure. I can just see him in a designer gown with a virginal veil hiding has sparkling eyes....

      Yeah, we'll be fecked for sure.

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    4. we should seek a Vatican convent for a refuge while we still can, dahlink! Put on your Prada shoes, I'll put on my Versace cape and let us flee :)

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  21. Why is it important that the peasant have no sense of TASTE? Are you planning some kind of "one peasant, one cup" story line? If so, ewwww. Excellent wild-eyed look on his face, by the way.

    If you have a moment, please email me at shewhoseeks@gmail.com -- I'd email you but there's no email address listed on your blog or profile. I know that's to keep the crazies away but I promise not to stalk you. Honest!

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    Replies
    1. Because taste and smell share a common neural pathway. If you lose one, you lose the other.

      Oh God, I forgot. I'll ship one off to you before days end.

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  22. Oh, Anne, this is awesome! I love it! I am so grateful technology isn't advanced enough that we can smell the stench or we'd all look like his guard.

    Has Fran lost his mind? Picking on you! Maybe he's just jealous that you picked on Ray?

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    1. No I think he just wants to make an Irish girl cry, just because he can. He misses being home where he can hurt one anytime he wants so he picks on me. Now you see why I didn't marry one-they're all like that. They live to bring us pain.

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    2. I just came back from his blog - oh my gosh, he has some brass ones, doesn't he? I feel for you, Anne. Being the target of his mean and cruel antics. I don't know how you do it!

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  23. your fantasy, your paint , your colours. I absolutely love Anne's world!

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  24. Brilliant Anne, though I am now struggling to get an Image of said Ray on crapper out of my mind. It will plaugue me like the stench that creeps under the privy door :)

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  25. Nice one, made me laugh this one, lord Ray (who needs toiletspray)
    Well done, please keep them comming!

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  26. How did you come up with this one? This is genius, also he looks really good. The colours you choose are always amazing.

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  27. Nicely done Anne and very entertaining!

    Christopher

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  28. Another well painted mini, I also like the karzee as well.

    Ian

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  29. Oh, man, that is so horrible.
    Not the miniature.
    I think I've been scarred.

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  30. I love it! The outhouse is nice, the "guard" is pretty outstanding. You are definitely getting better at this. I think a little dark lining around things like the laces on those pants would help make things pop a little more. A quick way to do the lining is to paint the item you want to line in your liner color either black or dark brown and then paint your actual color on top of that leaving just and edge of the darker undercoat showing.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Kris. This one was surprisingly easy. I discovered the joy of washes finally. I wish I had known about the lining before I started on the figure I'm just now finishing because the piece is a very difficult one and I've had trouble making different elements really stand out. It's at the point though if I don't stop working on the figure, I will lose my mind.

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  31. Brilliant work, Love the story do go with it as well. I think a taste of revenge is in order!

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  32. Bowelitis....hahahah!
    The peasant does look mental, even though he lost his ability to smell the morning 'movements'... :)
    I like him, I like him very much Anne.
    And, Fran has put all his love in his queen...I guess he didn't have any other female figure available to paint..so don't use the old Irish game of guilt to him. I am sure he had the best intentions. :)

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    1. I'm glad you like the peasant. He was fun and easy to paint. Oh Fran has pretty female figures, make no mistake about that. And I must guilt him Thanos, I must. I won't sleep nights until I do.

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  33. I can confirm that he smells like a privy and you were supposed to name the queen, it wasn't you my darling culchie queen........cailin!

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    1. Now look at you using the olde Irish charm to try to get out of my black books. I dated a boy just like you once. The bugger would go out, cheat on me then come to me crying and talking sweet words and I'd feel sorry for him. I kept taking him back until one day-I didn't.

      Now I'm not really mad at you, but I have to pretend to be for a little while hahahaha.

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  34. I really love the vibes I get from this Anne, awesome work as per usual, the background sets the tone so well too.

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  35. Fun story, Anne and I think, you'll get even with Lurker. Because really, that's the fun way to go.

    Thanks for your support with the whole heart thing. That was much fun. And I laughed out loud when you wrote about your hubby giving you a tenner.

    You crack me up.

    Cheers and boogie boogie.

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    1. I am already priming a new figure in his honour and I may have one other trick up my sleeve. It's more fun to pretend to fight with him.

      You and Tim cracked me up. I hope you'll do a post and let us know just how many pageviews he got out of those hearts.

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  36. That is a great story and added to that a great paintjob on the outhouse and I love the poor chap who has that nasty job

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  37. Fantastic work Anne.

    If I said Ray had a beautiful Privy would you hold that against me?

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    Replies
    1. No, but if you said Ray was beautiful I'd wonder about you :)

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  38. nice work... I hope the peasant, for his own sake is not cured of his disabilities or else he would regret perfect health almost immediately.

    as for Fran down the slide also... though I don't know how to get them both here, 1 box... hmm weight and loud noise inside might be sufficient to pass them off as a walrus for Auckland zoo... We'll give Fran some time to repent for his sins against you at the top of the slide if he does not deserve your mercy after that down he goes

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    1. I will have mercy on Fran, but Ray-he's going down!

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    2. al right then. if you send Fran over anyway I'll let him push Ray down. Just saw others talking about their characters, I've probably become some sort of maniac due to my desire to push people down the water slide. Like the queen of hearts just "down the slide" not "off with their head"... ah well maybe I just have a personality disorder, evil and kind.

      Yes I am one messed up person

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  39. Brilliant colors AND story, Anne. There is a lot of personality in these Hell Dorado figures you're painting. You bring them to life with both brush and word!

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  40. Fabulous Anne and wonderfully humorous!

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  41. It looks pretty sick!
    The stick-looking thing in his hand is supposed to be a shovel, right?

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  42. A very nice story and theme. The figure looks wonderful, specially the face. Great work.
    Regards
    Bruno

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  43. If this were much less funny, I might feel bad for Ray, but I'm STILL smiling! I'll just be glad I live several thousand miles away!

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  44. haha...might need to regulate the diet to affect those odours...lol...you know i have built a privy or two in my day...had to when i lived outdoors....beside the point...nice job on the painting...and thanks for the bit of humor..working on a grad school paper...and i needed it...smiles.

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