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Saturday, March 17, 2012

Missing Home On St. Patrick's Day

On Wednesday I gave myself over to the pain of longing for home and began the process of shutting myself away from the world around me. The world around me was about to become populated by people drinking green beer and celebrating "being Irish" with a happiness that I cannot share because I am not one of them. I am foreign, I am Irish.  Now isn't that ironic?


By Friday afternoon I was locked away in my room crying and the Hubby knew it was time to act.  He called home and got one of my sisters to ring me up.  The sister that I'm closest to, the one who is most like me, the one I call Leilon. So to celebrate my holiday, I'm going to share a bit about myself and my sister Leilon (it's a nickname, don't ask).


No, this isn't her, but it is her holding up the puppet. She bought this puppet just to piss me off and she puts it on her hand when I go home and talks to me with it. She claims it's payback for all the shite I did to her when we were little.  So what did I do to her?  Here's one story.

I would wake her up at about 3:00 a.m. and tell her it was time to go to school. She'd stumble out of bed, eye's shut tight against the lamplight and stagger into the bathroom and into the shower.  Standing outside the door, I'd wait for her to come out then follow her back to her bedroom where I'd go to the window, open the curtains and show her the night sky. Then she'd come at me, fists flying while I laughed my fool head off at her.

So she called me, I cried, we remembered our shared past and I ended up laughing.  I'll miss my sisters today while they make merry with one another, and I will keep company with my memories.

75 comments:

  1. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be so far away from your home and family, especially on a day when it is shoved in your face.

    Sending you hugs and hoping you can find your lovely smile again soon

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    1. Thank you, it's horrible and I can't stand it.

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  2. We are always Irish wherever we are, where we are at the time is always Ireland, we are what we are my cailin regardless of location and where we find ourselves!

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    1. I know but I'm still crying, it's all caught up with me finally. Hubby being ill and being away from people who are the same as me and it hurts. I'll get past this feeling and be happy again.

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  3. I miss my son and he's been visiting since the 1st. But most of his time he's been in the other room on his laptop or iPad and, when he's not doing either of those things, he's off hanging out with former coworkers, some friends, or whomever. He's had dinner here less than half the time. On the plus side, I got to make him breakfast twice and he took me out to lunch the other day. But my expectations have let me down.

    Today is my other son's wedding anniversary. The one son leaves tomorrow. I'll be babysitting my granddaughter. I think she will be my Leilon, making me smile and even laugh when I'm not feeling so happy.

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    1. Leilon can always crack me up. I just need her here right now and not thousands of miles away.

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  4. I feel so sad for you. That can't be easy (and I can imagine..I have lived in the same general area my entire life, and the thought of not being around here scares me to death. And I don't even like it much.) I am glad you got to take a stroll down memory lane with your sister. Despite the tears, it is always good to remember. I hope that you don't just get through the sadness, but that something amazing comes your way! I will be thinking of you!

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    1. Stay where you are and never leave home, it's not worth it. You lose too much. All the kids you grew up with and all the places you hung out and all the memories. Thank you so much Melanie.

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  5. Sorry to hear you're missing home Anne, I'm with Angry, no matter what you're still Irish, you'll be home again soon! Have a great Saint Patrick's Day Anne :)

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    1. The sisters are trying to find a way to get me home for Easter weekend so we can all attend Mass together and have dinner. I don't know if it will be possible though.

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  6. I'm sorry that you feel sad, but I am glad to read that you had a good laugh. Hang in there.

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  7. I'm with Angry on this one. You can still go out and get drunk at least. If you're still Irish at heart, you're Irish. Jessie has Irish blood, she sure drinks like it anyway, and I'm not sure what my point is, but I've seen her be proud of her heritage.

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    1. No going out to pubs today I'm afraid. This is a small town and they don't like foreigners so I'd not be welcome in their pubs. When I'm like this, I never drink.

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  8. No painting Mini's while drunk!
    Be safe on this day...
    :-)

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    1. No danger of that. Mini's require a steady hand and a clear mind.

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  9. You're the resident Irish here so as far as I'm concerned, whatever you say, goes.

    Hope you can see your way to having a happy St. Patrick's Day.

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    1. Thank you bluz. Tomorrow will be a better day.

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  10. oh, my dear, to brighten you up, me, Lurk and Pats would do a riverdance in long undies just for you if we were closer geographically :)

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    1. Hmmmm ummm Hmmmm what the hell, I'll even sport the zebra...(thank God we aren't closer)..lol

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    2. Now that would probably cheer me up right now!! Oh Pat, I remember that zebra don't wear it!!

      The Hubby is going to take me shopping now and let me spend some money. I don't know what I'll buy though!!

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    3. buy us matching elven shoes so that my human feet and Pats feline paws would at least look similar during our riverdance performance. I will also sing like Enya and Moya Brennan to add to the atmosphere.

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    4. God, this is sounding worse by the second..hahaha

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    5. I love it. You'd look adorable in elven shoes Dez, the cat, well he would look awkward!

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    6. then will shall just put a sparkly green bow on his tail and let him wiggle it LOL :)

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    7. LOL he might eat the bow though

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  11. Hang in there, Anne. Some days are just difficult, but you'll pull through. That was a funny story about your sister. We always have family, wherever we are.

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    1. There are so many funny stores about the four of us girls and the pranks we pulled on each other. When we get together and are taking pictures, Leilon turns on her flash just to ruin my shots. I've got a whole bunch of crappy pics of my great newphews due to her.

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  12. Longing for home even with a scary talking puppet has to be rough. But as said you are still Irish no matter where you are, no matter the day. Just ignore the eejits pretending to be irish just to get drunk, the buggers will end up in the ditch anyway as they can't out drink Irish Air...hahaha...awesome story too, so fun picking at siblings.

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    1. I locked one of them in a closet and pretended to be a ghost once. She was so scared after that she couldn't be alone in the dark for months. She never told on me until we were all grown up!! Dad would have beaten me had he known.

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    2. hahaha wow what a meanie. I did lock my brother in the dryer once and tried to turn it on, but mom caught me before I could reach the knobs..hahaha

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    3. Oh God, you'd have broken the dryer and you'd have really been in trouble (note my lack of concern for your brother).

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    4. I bet that's when his mum made him wear this tie of his as a punishment ;)

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    5. Hahahaha it's a Canadian version of a hair shirt!!

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    6. LOL I think she was more concerned over the poor dryer too...haha...I never wear a tie any more, that pic is like 5 years old..lol

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    7. I thought it was your church portrait, Pats :) or from a yearbook :)

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    8. LOL nope the one work made me get for their dumb site, I just stole it and used it for some reason. No church for me and year book is ummmm 9 years old..haha

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  13. Your not allowed to fell sad, today of all days!!!

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    1. I know Ray, but I do. I just keep crying and can't seem to stop. I'm off to try to shop myself into a good mood.

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  14. I have never moved away from what I call home so I can't possibly understand how hard it must be for you. Try to stay cheerful and cherish those memories! And please show all those bastards who are drinking green beer what being Irish is all about!

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    1. I'd love to just fling a hand grenade at them, but I'd go to jail and that would be sad!!

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  15. I'm so sorry to hear that you're sad. I had truly hoped that today woud be a happy one for you and that you'd be showing all the silly foreigners how it's done, true Irish style! In my mind, Ireland is not just the place where you're from, it's a place inside you. Everywhere you go, there it is, because you carry it in your heart always and nothing can take it away from you.

    I envy the relationship you have with your family and I'm sorry you're missing them. I hope you feel better soon and have a Happy St. Patrick's Day anyway. Heaps of love. :)

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    1. No this is a very small town and they are very bigoted. There are only two foreigners here. One bloke is from India and they call him a habib. Me they call a mick.

      I've a great family and I'm lucky we all love each other.

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    2. That's utterly disgusting, completely small minded and downright childish of them! I seem to be fighting the same sort of mentality here. Let's face it, generally speaking, people are absolutely loathsome creatures!

      Hope you had fun shopping. :)

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  16. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to these comments. I was sleeping as much of the day away as I could. The Hubby is taking me out shopping and I'll be back later. Thank you all for your kind words.

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  17. Hope you feel better! Happy Saint Patrick's day.

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  18. Aaawh - how just a big hug then...

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  19. Don't worry I'm not irish either!!

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    1. Baur, I am Irish, that's the point.

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  20. aww...hugs...i'd find you a four leafer...you are wearing green today right? i'd hate to give youa pinch and all just to shake you out of it...smiles...

    nice...errr...puppet....smiles.

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    1. No need for me to wear the green, I've got it running through my veins!!

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  21. I'm half Canadian, and living in England, so I know a bit how you feel, being away from home.
    The English don't even celebrate St Georges Day, which I think is a bit strange.

    Following from Marks blog.

    http://ladyofmuse.blogspot.com/

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    1. It can be difficult can't it? Especially around the holidays. Following you back!!

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  22. Awwwww! That sucks to be so far away from family.
    On the other hand, being probably the only legit Irish around, you would be the most popular person in town today, no?

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    1. Not in this little town, no. Very bigoted here and not one African American family lives here either because the town is vicious about hating them. And I'm foreign and if they could legally stone me to death they would.

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  23. Anne,

    I'm not ignoring your comment over at my place; I don't have a private way to respond to you. Because you're right on all points, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry.

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    1. The holiday is intended to be a celebration of our culture, but it's just a day where your country gets together and mocks my country and you all laugh about it. I don't understand that because we have such great writers that you guys have learned from and we built most of New York City for you. Yet those names are not lauded or honored. It's all cartoon leprachaun's, green beer and horrible jokes. It's painful to be around.

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  24. No, I can't have my Irish Anne sad....it just won't do! Your husband is one smart lad, I'm glad that he called your sister and you two had a chance to reminisce about all the fun you two have had. I would love to hear about more pranks you've done to each other when you're up to it. What's up with the people in your town? Why are they such douches?

    I hope you've enjoyed your St. Patrick's Day somehow, Anne xoxoxox

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    1. The people here are racists. They hate every nationality. There's one family from India here who bought a hardware store, they call them Habib's and won't shop there. They're trying to drive them out of town. And they use the N word out in public, it's horrifying.

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    2. Are you sure you don't live where I just moved from???? They throw the N word around like it's no big deal. I couldn't believe it! Fools.

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  25. With so many friends, I hope we were able to cheer ya ups...just a little love.

    Happy St Paddy's Day.

    :)

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    1. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. I'll go to bed happier than I was when I woke up.

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  26. aw...love that fun you have with your sisters. My sisters and I don't get along...don't even speak to each other. It's very sad. I miss those old phone calls. :(

    Happy St. Paddy's Day! I have quite a bit of Irish in me!

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  27. I hope you enjoyed your holiday, even through the homesickness. Glad that your sister was able to put a smile on your face. She talks to you using a puppet? That's great!! But not good enough for making her shower at 3 am... LOL

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  28. I can only imagine.. but as long as there's a link at all, something to remind you, memories to keep you. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't even have those. I hope you managed alright!

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  29. That's pretty sad. :( Well, happy St Patrick's Day to you, if that makes you feel better.

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  30. That's hilarious but also awful. I should have done that kind of stuff to my siblings when we were younger.

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  31. @Anne...Thnks very much for Droppin by, and I'm really glad that there was a wee pot at the end of the rainbow for ya.

    Sincerely.
    Kriz :)

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  32. I saw the movie Act of valor for st Patrick's day wasn't too great very similar to all other military movies

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  33. I hope you're feeling better now! Not fiting into a comunity can suck a lot!

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  34. Read your replies too.. what part of the country are you living in? Sorry, but your neighbors sound repulsive. I have spent a lot of time out of the US, but never lived abroad more than half a year- not sure if I'd miss 'home' or not, I kind of doubt I would miss much, some things, but depending where it was, maybe not a lot.

    By genetics I'm mostly Irish but never got into the St.Patrick's Day bandwagon, mostly when I found out the meaning behind 'driving the snakes out of Ireland' really meant eliminating the druids & a lot of the original culture: I'm not a big fan of Cultural Imperialism overwriting existing cultures whether it takes place now or over a thousand years ago... I think the Earth is interesting with all the different cultures and languages, and our species loses a lot every time it gets more blurred into one dominate system.

    America has a long history of horrible racism upon the Irish. It's toned down a lot since the 19th century, but sad to hear it's still prevalent enough that you can feel it directed at you. There is a lot of ignorance and bigotry here, and it frustrates me and makes me wonder if there is any hope for it, since it seems people are so proud of their bigotry and wear ignorance like a badge of honor. This is a strange country: one foot in the 22nd century but the other firmly planted in the 12th. I think in many ways this is the most backwards country of the developed world. I have spent a lot of time in my fiancee's home country, but she's never been here yet- and since her's has gone into an economic & political melt-down, my plan to move there has been scrapped and she's now trying to come here. I've tried to explain what it is like here, but I'm not sure words does the trick.

    hearing your reaction to how your neighbor's act on this holiday makes me want to shake them and say 'smarten up you idiot, you're embarrassing us all.

    Great story about your sister... I used to do the same thing to my sister, but on Saturday mornings :)

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  35. Hehe that was a good one with getting her to get ready at 3AM....

    Sorry you were feeling down on St Paddy's, but that was nice you got to talk to your sister. We purposely did non-"Irish" things on Saturday because as Mum says, we're Irish 364 days a year, and that's our one day to be not Irish. Had a quiet dinner out with friends, no green beer, and none of that awful corned beef!! I'm still not even really sure what it is, but the smell puts me off.....

    Hope your week is going well!!

    xoxo

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