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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Anne, How'd You Get To Be So Bawdy?

Of the thousands of questions I get asked daily, the most common one is "Anne, how'd you get to be so bawdy?"  I would answer "I didn't just wake up like this one day. It took years of hard living to become this feckin' bawdy."  And I'm glad I did. Why without boobies, booze and cursing this blog would be nothing."


It started innocently enough. I was sitting in my room listening to my first Led Zeppelin album when I heard the roar come off those drums. And I thought to myself, "One day I'm going to be John Bonham."


I immediately began harassing my gran about buying me a drum kit.  So desperate I was to be like John Bonham that I even promised to stop playing truant from school if she'd buy me one.  Well, I practiced by myself and learned to play by listening to the unholy trifecta of Bonham, Moon and Baker.

Then it was time to find a bunch of guys who would let a girl be in a band with them.


And that's when the pub-crawling began. I went from pub to pub, drinking beer, playing darts and cussing until I found a couple of guys who were willing to let me hang out with them and play.


Being in a band meant band practice and band practice meant drinking vast quantities of alcohol, cussing and oftentimes passing out drunk on the floor and waking up in a puddle of vomit (hopefully your own).


And when you weren't playing you'd go out to the pub. I had to watch these guys behave like animals. They didn't censor themselves around me, they just treated me like one of the guys. I became accustomed to hearing phrases such as "She's a face on her like a bulldog whose just licked piss off a nettle". "Jaysus, you wouldn't ride her into battle" or "If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one."

So you see, it's just normal for me to be this way.  

And speaking of bawdy, WorkingDan over at Shameful Promotions did a post with me as a character using MSPaint.  It appears as if I'm so bawdy that I've earned a place on the Wall of Shame.  And if you go read it "No, those boobies are not really mine. Mine are perkier."



95 comments:

  1. "You never look at the mantlepiece while you're poking the fire" as my Dad used to say, wouldn't have you any other way Anne......

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    1. Gives new meaning to the words "Eyes Wide Shut" doesn't it?

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  2. Blah! That nettle one mad me cringe, I'd never be able to look at such a woman the same if someone said that..hahaha....so it's the fecking drums that are to blame, while give them an extra whack because they sure made it a fun time at your blog shack.

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    1. Today's Wednesday it's The Beasts favorite day of the week. I give him his weekly cigar, his JD and then beat the hell out of him.

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    2. haha and I'm sure the beast appreciates it too, maybe not so much the neighbors though

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    3. You're back I see, you lazy Cat! I hope you enjoyed your free day. Jax did a wonderful job over at your bay!

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    4. Yep back at my shack and hopping around. She did do a great job and now the cat can take breaks and she can fill in with ease..hahaha....and disabling comments, how rude!

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    5. I'm not being rude!!! I'm relieving myself of the responsibility of having to deal with comments on a post that isn't a post. I don't have anyone to fill in for me when I'm lazy!!!

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    6. LOL Is someone jealous of the cat?..hahaha

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    7. I'm quite happy for you Pat!

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  3. I'm glad you're so bawdy Anne, like Angry says we wouldn't have you any other way. It's so cool you got to experience being in a band with some lads too, "I wouldn't ride her into battle," is one I'm definitely going to use sometime soon.

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    1. You want to know what's really sad? I was in an 80's hair band and I have all that shitty music on CD recorded to I can't ever, ever forget the horror!!

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  4. I can't believe I've never heard anyone say "I wouldn't ride her into battle" before. We love ya as you are Anne, don't change.

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    1. I can't change, it's in my prenuptial agreement. If I go prim and proper, the Hubby get's everything.

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  5. Well I think you a pretty awesome lady so dont ever change.

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    1. You're pretty cool too Mynx. Excited about your trip?

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  6. You can add bawdy to the list of words you taught me! hahaha Sometimes it's nice being treated as one of the guys, but other times you just want to scream! What happened when guys made a pass at you? Did all your boys snuff him out like criminal?

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    1. The one thing I always wanted one of them to have was a girlfriend with a job. We needed someone to cook, clean and buy us food. Never happened. Not too many guys ever approached me when I played out. I don't know if I scared them or if my mates scared them.

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  7. Great post, Anne. The first thing I thought was the song "Rock n'Roll Hoochee Koo", bawdy mama. :) No wonder you're so bawdy, came by it honestly.

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    1. That was the Edgar Winter Band I think. He did the song Frankenstein too. I love to play that song!

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  8. Ha, gotta love a (bawdy) woman who knows her Led Zepp!

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    1. I'm listening to Zep right now. I always do when I blog.

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  9. We all love your bawdy nature... wouldn't want it any other way! Thank God for Led Zeppelin for inspiring you to become who you are!

    Thanks for the shout out! Sorry your tits weren't perkier, I'm not near the artist that you are. But I will say that your art is what inspired me to try. Hopefully I will get better and do your tits some justice! lol

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    1. Next time you draw my tits, could you do them with lasers shooting out of them, like Femme Bot?

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    2. I might be able to work that in...depending on which way the story goes!

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    3. Who will win in The Game of Thrones, stayed tuned till next season....

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  10. A bulldog licking piss from a nettle? I am so going to steal that. If you have any other cool insults like that, you should list them here. That'd be awesome!

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    1. I have a whole lot of them that I've collected along the way. These are the tamer ones.

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  11. Ha. Awesome post. A great start to my morning. Bruised willies. I'm going to have to remember that one!

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    1. I love that one too. Tell your friends at work and they'll be using it too.

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  12. Love the artwork but the true level of Anne bawdiness is just not coming through. The boobie quotient is just not high enough. I think there is another miniature line I need to point you at.

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    1. Nooooo, not another miniature line!! Truthfully, I'm looking at some Wild West mini's right now.

      When I hit 20,000 pageviews it will be time for the next Big Boobie post!

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    2. But the sooner we get you up to painting 54mm pinups the bawdier things will get!

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    3. I've seen some of those and don't think I won't do it, because I will!!

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    4. I wouldn't even suggest it if I thought you wouldn't do it. I'm pretty sure you haven't seen the ones I'm talking about though. I'll just leave that in my back pocket for now.

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    5. I know the one's. I've seen them on CoolMiniOrNot. My eyes almost bugged out of my head. I have to get much better at painting flesh tones before I tackle one of those. I wouldn't want to ruin one of those puppies. It would make you guys cry!!

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    6. CoolMiniorNot has nothing on the ones I'm thinking of!

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    7. Oh no, I'm afraid to even ask where these ones can be found. The ones I saw were bodacious!

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    8. I'll just slip you the link when you least expect it. :-)

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  13. I agree with Addman. Also, you didn't have to play drums to be like John Bonham, you could have just chugged straight vodka and choked on your own vomit. (Too soon? No? Too late. Yeah, you're right, too late.)
    Yeah, hanging out in a bar with a bunch of drunk guys all the time will certainly earn you a master's degree in bawdiness.

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    1. I chugged the vodka, I was almost there, but I couldn't grow a beard. My boy died too young.

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  14. Cool, I just want to see boobies!!!

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    1. A little over 700 pageviews to go and there will be Boobies!!

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    2. Nooooo not mine!! The Hubby would shoot me. I'll scour the internet for a good pair though!

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    3. They'll be huge and gorgeous, I promise!

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  15. LOL, love the ride into battle , my new favorite term;). My mother worked construction for years, and fits far better in with the cursing, strutting blue collar boys than women. I owe my language skills to her.

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    1. How you doing Jamie. I haven't been over to Pureblogger in an age. I never figured out what the hell to do with it. Lord Google has his fingers in too many pies!!

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    2. Haven't had the time or energy this week to bother my ass off. I'm hoping it's still kicking around come may when I have time to breathe.

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    3. I'm having trouble finding time to keep this going. Spring's a busy time for me and it will be like this till the end of May. I should pop over there over the weekend and see what's happening.

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  16. Replies
    1. I know, perish the thought. Congratulations on your big win Ray!!!!

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    2. And all that weight you lost by painting!! It's a new diet and you should market it. You'll be rich!!!

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  17. "Jaysus, you wouldn't ride her into battle" lol

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    1. This one appears to be the favored insult at the moment.

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  18. I bet granny was overwhelmed with pride and joy :PPPP

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    1. All kidding aside, my gran was very proud of me. She was a top-notch gardener and I learned everything I know from her. Every single flower I put into this earth is done in memory of her and I turned out pretty damn good, if I must say so myself.

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    2. I meant only the drumming business, dahling :)
      Granny sounds like a great person, and I love that you're dedicating your flowers to her. She is probably watching from above and sending rain when the garden faces drought!
      When my grandparents died, a pair of turtle doves appeared on a tree in front of my house and they have been there ever since, even nine years after. It's weird, but true.

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    3. They've been sent to you for comfort darling. My gran has been gone for 20 years and I still think of her when I plant. I always hope she can see my gardens and be proud that I learned so well from her.

      Check your email later, there will be a flower from my garden it it for you.

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  19. Well glad you have perky boobies (more ladies need them), and always remember to fall asleep on your side after drinking. You don't wanna go the way John Bonham allegedly did. Very messy!

    The pic's look great... good post.
    ;-)

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    1. We refer to death in this manner as "Doing a Bonzo"

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  20. well it seems at least you came across it honestly...Zep was a big part of my early development as well...sang and played a bit of guitar in band...played parties and small pubs etc...i think it was the vomit encrusted to your cheek mornings that ultimately did in my band days...

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    1. I quit playing out when I had my daughter. She took priority, but Hubby played out for a couple more years. Since then we've had small bands and played some fairs, but no clubs.

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  21. Wow those are quite the expressions! "She's a face on her like a bulldog whose just licked piss off a nettle" I'm gonna have to use that one someday!

    Its great hearing about how you came to be who you are! I'm glad the drums inspired you so!

    I know who Bonham and Keith Moon are but who is Baker?

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    1. Ginger Baker was the drummer for The Cream. They were a trio, Eric Clapton on guitar, Jack Bruce on bass and Baker on drums. Check out their album Disreali Gears.

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  22. Sounds like a fun way to spend time

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  23. Your bawdiness is my favorite parts of you! I'll bet your bandmates were like your brothers too; protective and watchful over you. I bet no guy stood a chance when they tried to hit on you at a pub, huh?

    Congrats on your place upon the Wall of Shame =)

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    1. I was oblivious to men at that stage and I was dating Bobby too. My mates would say "so and so is cutting his eyes at you" and I'd say "What?"

      I'm so proud of myself for making it on that Wall. Now if I could only knock those bastards from A Beer For The Shower off the top. It would take a bigger pair of tit's than mine to do that!!

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    2. I'm the same way - I still don't notice if a guy is flirting with me LOL

      Maybe it's going to take another female - two sets of tits! - to knock those men down from that wall =)

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    3. I think it might, those guys are REALLY BIG BLOGGERS. I'm just a pipsqueek.

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  24. My girlfriend wants a drum set, but even if she got one for free, I'm sure her mom would throw the entire thing out the window from all the noise.

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    1. My gran had no trouble with the noise at all. She raised 9 children, drums were quiet compared to that.

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  25. You learned by ear?! Way! That's awesome, my uncle learned the flute that way, come to think of it a lot of people I know who got into an instrument got in that way.. Anyway, this makes sense. I could just have assumed you grew up with guys around you, but male band-mates is probably a few notches above that.

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    1. The first thing I did when I sat behind a kit was to instinctively do a Bonham triplet. All I did for about 6 months was play along with Zep. Then I picked up Baker and then Moon after that. One day I'm going to post about 3 minutes of one of my solo's just so you can hear the volume of this kit when it's not miked. This thing thunders!!!

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    2. Oh I am definitely looking forward to THAT

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    3. I'm going to tell everyone to turn the volume up to 10 before they hit play, just so I make their ears bleed!!

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  26. Love it.. ride into battle... that one is going to stick with me!

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    1. It's a good one isn't it? I'm posting my next mini on Friday, I hope it doesn't make you laugh!!

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  27. bawdiness equates to brilliance in my book...never change

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  28. Lol "shes a skank!" reminds me of someone I know

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    1. The world is full of them these days isn't it?

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  29. And now I know why I love your stuff so much! Keep on keepin' on.

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    1. Thank you Melanie, but I won't be doing it much longer, getting ready to say goodbye here before too much longer.

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  30. I was desperate to play drums growing up - no chance of even getting them in the door, not even if I paid for them myself, so I settled for the next loudest thing I could think of - the trumpet. I actually had a dream that I was playing the set we have at the music school where I work, and actually I'm going to be alone at the school for a whole week over spring break. Ooooh you've put ideas in my head, you have!

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    1. Do it, you'll be glad you did. If drums turn out to be your instrument then do it. I use R13 insulation to soundproof my drumroom and that keeps the neighbors from actually clubbing me to death.

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  31. ((hugs))

    sorry you are not having a good day....

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  32. I like your style, so you have a new follower.

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