When asked by a reporter why the negotiations failed, Ms. O'Leary had this to say, "Those gobshites wanted too much money. I was willing to pay those bastard €2,000.00 for each one of those feckin' planes and with the rate of exchange they'd really be getting $2551.21. And that's a bargain for me."
Representatives from Boeing responded by saying "She can stick it up her arse!" Ms. O'Leary countered this statment by saying "First I need a drink, then I'll hold a Press Conference."
Ten hours later, after the last pub in Dublin closed, Ms. Oleary finally showed up. Unable to walk a straight line, the CEO of O'Leary Air was carried to the podium by her Chief Advisor and pet troll, Guido.
"All right ya feckless bastards" she yelled into the microphone, "Because Boeing eff'ed me over, I've had to develop a new plan for growth."
Only the most tenacious or reporters remained in their seats for the remainder of the Conference.
While drinking at Shenanigans Pub, I develped a two pronged plan that I'm certain will increase the profits of my imaginary airline in 2012.
After opening a bottle of gin O'Leary began. "Instead of buying 200 of those expensive planes, I've decided to buy 7,000 used Cessnas instead. And you know what that means?" O'Leary yelled at the press. "That means jobs. I'll be needing pilots to fly these damn planes. And until I can find experienced pilots who are willing to work for me, I'm going to fill those cockpits with my stewardesses."
Members of the press were aghast.
O'Leary finished her gin, opened a bottle of whiskey and continued. "Now strictly speaking, these girls aren't licensed pilots. But they have pretty good aim and I think they can get you where you need to go." At this point Ms. O'Leary seemed confused and could be heard to mutter, "Where the bloody hell am I?"
Grabbing the podium to keep the room from spinning, she continued her presentation. "Now there's only one thing left standing between O'Leary Air and serious financial growth. So I've started a new ad campaign."
"Because there's a slim chance that my rival will survive this vicious attack, I have a back-up plan."
"I just happen to own 25% of the stock in that company and I plan to sell that stock short. That should finish them off and then I'll buy the whole damn airline for €1.00" Ms. O'Leary glared at the press, then continued. "I'm willing to experience short term pain for long term gain."
The press appeared to be perplexed.
Following this statement the CEO of O'Leary Air passed out.
Okay folks, I seemed to have gotten myself into a jam. On Tuesday I made the mistake of issuing a
threat challenge to fellow blogger Bersercules. Well that bastard (term of endearment) called my bluff. And to make a long story short, I have to draw a picture of him in a semi-gay Skeletor pose. Now this is going to take me all weekend to draw (the muscalture in those buttocks will take at least 12 hours to draw in MS Paint), so I'm going to post it here on Monday. And if you want to have a snowballs chance in hell of understanding what I'm talking about, you'll need to go look at his Tuesday post.
I'm required to make this promise in writing today so that if I try to back out of this deal, I'll look like an arsemonkey on Monday.
Thanks you for flying O'Leary Air today, I hope you enjoyed the ride. You can leave your comments with the stewardess on the way out.