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Saturday, January 21, 2012

Hubby Will Never Be Better

I'm going to be uncharacteristically serious tonight. I greatly appreciate the concern expressed by some of you about the well-being of my husband.  My husband is chronically ill and he will never recover. There is no getting better, there is only a long, slow deterioration ahead. I am not going to go into details that would violate his privacy, but the primary damage is to his spinal cord in the thoracic region. He walks, but only just. The nerves that exit the spinal cord innervate a great number of peripheral systems and he has experienced loss of function in some of those systems. The remaining damage is inoperable. There is further, ongoing deterioration in the cervical spine. This is the area of the spinal cord that controls primary functions such as respiration. At this time, cervical surgery is not being considered. It may become unavoidable in the future.

I am writing this in the wee hours while he is sleeping. Since his last hospitalization, the doctors have prescribed medication that heavily sedates him. This is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because now, for the first time in nine months, my husband does not cry in his sleep.  Nor do we both wake up to the sound of his screaming when he moves the wrong way while sleeping.  "I do not dream now" he says to me. And I ask him "Do you miss it?" And he responds "No, the pain finds me in my sleep and it becomes part of the dream. I never want to dream again" And I cry silently so as not to wake him. This man, whom I love, never wants to dream again.

The medication leaves him somnolent for much of the day and that is difficult. He still plays his guitar every day and studies the Bible. Yes, I said studies the Bible. I, an Irish Catholic, married an American Protestant who has a doctorate in theology. He is not a minister, he is a theologian, there is a difference. We believe in God and that makes us neither ignorant nor weak. I will not compromise my life-long faith in order to conform to progressive ideologies, nor will I apologize for it, nor will I argue it.

I will be out trying to comment on everyone's page Saturday and Sunday. On Monday, it will be business as usual here at O'Leary Air and I will once again be making an arse out of myself on the internet.

41 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Man, can't say jack. I thought my uncle, who had to go through kidney surgery, was the worst medical condition I had ever seen or heard about. His 6-pack and well-defined are long gone. I didn't really like him, but I am concerned.
    On a side note, try reciting a joke book to your husband when he's awake. Laughing is the best medicine, they say.

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  3. I cant imagine how difficult it must be to watch the man you love in so much pain.
    Sending you positive energy and hugs.
    I think you are amazing.

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  4. You are amazing, Anne. Thanks for sharing this with us.

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  5. My darling sis, I can only imagine how your heart is breaking as you watch the man you love go through such a painful declination of his health. Know that my thoughts are with you and that my love surrounds you. As always, Topaz and I send you and Toki hugs and purrs.

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  6. You should never have to try and explain or give up your belief. I'm sorry your husband is in such a bad situation. I hope he doesn't suffer for too long though of course every second he's alive is a blessing.

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  7. Anne,

    My heart goes out to you along with my prayers. My belief in God is similar to yours and strong too. The love you hold for your husband pours through your words as does your strength. I am grateful he can still turn to his guitar everyday and of course that he has you too. Sending you hugs.

    L

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  8. Oh, Anne dearest, I'm sorry to hear all this.
    I know there is not much we can do to help you, but we are all here to at least give you some rest and a few laughs to cheer you up a bit and give you some energy when you manage to get to the Net.
    You are a brave woman, and I'm proud of you! A true Irish lady who is stronger than destiny!
    Love you!

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  9. Anne it's hard to read that!!!
    I'm "touched"in my heart and in my mind, even I know that nobody can suffer at your place (clear enough in english? ) .... I just can try to have some compassion and try to forget my own problems: it's always less that all the suffering of you and your beloved husband should have ....
    (sorry if my english language is not good enough... more difficult for me to express feelings that things of the common life!)
    I'm with you and your husband!

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  10. My mother has a neuralgia and lives with pain so I have some small idea of what you are living. On an even lesser scale, my husband has diabetes which has impacted our lives in ways I don't discuss publicly. I can only imagine what you are experiencing and even that is beyond me because there are some things too painful to consider.

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  11. Stay strong, Anne. Your husband needs your strength right now. Keep faith and never lose hope.

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  12. Can't really say anything... Dang. Good job staying so strong though.

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  13. It's hard to think of something meaningful to say to a post like this. Stay strong! Just put it in God's hands!

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  14. Oh my, how excruciating for you both. You have my best wishes and thoughts.

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  15. I'm so sorry Anne. Your spirit is amazing and he his lucky to have you.

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  16. No smart arse comment from me today. Some rough times indeed, but the fact that you remain strong and upbeat through it all must help both of you.

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  17. I'm really sorry to read this. I can tell that you're a strong lady and can only imagine your husband as being twice as strong. This sounds very similar to the disease that my mother suffers from. It's hard to go through it, and just as rough to watch.

    While a recovery may be impossible, I'll send prayers for peace of mind.

    You clearly have a support system here and that makes me happy.

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  18. Shit Anne, I was going to DM you yesterday about this as it was on his mind that you were saying about how ill he was and I was interested to see if he had recovered from his hospitalisation. Now I've read this I don't know what to think. It's sad that he's never ever going to recover but at the same time you never know right? I mean we advance medically all the time, through stuff that can be applied that stimulates growth in his spine or whatever, I'm no doctor but I don't think you should give up hope, I really don't.

    I really respect how strongly you feel about your faith and especially about how you won't argue it with anybody. That's the thing, religion is supposed to be private, between you and God or whatever you believe in, it's not something that needs to be touted or debated.

    I seriously hope things somehow get better. That operation will be scary when it's unavoidable but you never know, it might help. I never want to be so ill I don't want to dream, it sounds like he's really miserable and I wish, really do wish something will come along and put him out of that misery and into happiness again where he does want to dream again.

    Thinking of you guys, it's great that you're staying so strong for him.

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  19. I am deeply saddened to hear that. All this is not an easy time for you and your husband and I wish you the strength that you need in this situation. Since I am chronically sick myself, I can understand about, how you feel. I am with you.
    Regards
    Lonewolf

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    1. I was worried about you because you hadn't posted in some time. It interrupts life, does it not? I'm hoping to see some more of your Scottish Highlanders soon!

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    2. Yes, it interrupts life but it changes the point of view to many things in life too. Wish you all the best! Highlanders will come, but it takes some time to finish. Currently I'm working on other figures.
      Regards
      Lonewolf

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  20. Nothing snarky from me today. I'm so sorry to hear this. He's a lucky man to have you in his life. Peace.

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  21. I'm really, really sorry for him, you and the family, some Irish good thoughts on their way for you cailin.....

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  22. What are you doing out here on the weekend? It's good to see you and thank you Angry.

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  23. This is difficult to read, but I'm glad I did. I admire the strength you all are pulling through with. Best possible wishes, and stay strong.

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  24. You sound like an exceptionally strong woman.

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  25. thanks for sharing this...and as much as it is about him it says much of you as well...strength to you.

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  26. Hang on to your beliefs, they will hold you up and keep you strong. I will keep you and your hubby in my prayers, I often, really, I do

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    1. *I pray often, s STINKEN spellcheck!

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  27. I'm so, so sorry to hear about your husband. I pray that Tara, goddess of compassion, will bless you both. My thoughts are with you, dear Anne. Light and love. :)

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  28. This is kind of horrifying, my condolences to you. :(

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  29. Anne - As always, good thoughts are headed your way, both for his peace and comfortability, as well as your own peace of mind and support of your resolve.

    I'm sorry, Anne. I'm so sorry.

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  30. I am so very sorry to hear this Anne.

    Please send your hubby my best regards and you both make sure you get some 'good' times in, ASAP, if you are not dong so already.

    CS

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    1. Thank you so very much Colonel. Your presence here on my page means a great deal to me. We're having good times. In a few hours we're going to have a jam. Him on guitar, me on drums. We're going to shake this blog down.

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  31. Anne, I'm really sorry. That's about all I can say.

    I watched my Grandfather and Grandmother die within a few years of each other as a kid, and to this day it has an effect on me. You are not alone. Ever.

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  32. What an unfortunate situation for you both. I'm glad to hear that the medication seems to be helping to manage the pain.

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  33. It must be so hard but he's lucky to have you looking after and helping him...my thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  34. Anne, Your kilted savage is a little late getting to this .......... but the throat lump is just a big ......*tips the hat* x

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  35. Don't really have the right words, just wanted to say that you seem to be amazingly strong.

    I am chronically ill myself and it is very easy to go down the slippery slope to the dark side of thoughts, so i think it is good that he has you and the bible to keep him strong. He doesn't want to dream again but when he is awake he has you.

    (i am not religious but wouldn't judge anyone grounds of being religious)

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  36. I'm sorry about all this. Word's can't really do a situation like this justice, just know I and everyone else on here wish the best for both of you.

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