I'm going to be uncharacteristically serious tonight. I greatly appreciate the concern expressed by some of you about the well-being of my husband. My husband is chronically ill and he will never recover. There is no getting better, there is only a long, slow deterioration ahead. I am not going to go into details that would violate his privacy, but the primary damage is to his spinal cord in the thoracic region. He walks, but only just. The nerves that exit the spinal cord innervate a great number of peripheral systems and he has experienced loss of function in some of those systems. The remaining damage is inoperable. There is further, ongoing deterioration in the cervical spine. This is the area of the spinal cord that controls primary functions such as respiration. At this time, cervical surgery is not being considered. It may become unavoidable in the future.
I am writing this in the wee hours while he is sleeping. Since his last hospitalization, the doctors have prescribed medication that heavily sedates him. This is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because now, for the first time in nine months, my husband does not cry in his sleep. Nor do we both wake up to the sound of his screaming when he moves the wrong way while sleeping. "I do not dream now" he says to me. And I ask him "Do you miss it?" And he responds "No, the pain finds me in my sleep and it becomes part of the dream. I never want to dream again" And I cry silently so as not to wake him. This man, whom I love, never wants to dream again.
The medication leaves him somnolent for much of the day and that is difficult. He still plays his guitar every day and studies the Bible. Yes, I said studies the Bible. I, an Irish Catholic, married an American Protestant who has a doctorate in theology. He is not a minister, he is a theologian, there is a difference. We believe in God and that makes us neither ignorant nor weak. I will not compromise my life-long faith in order to conform to progressive ideologies, nor will I apologize for it, nor will I argue it.
I will be out trying to comment on everyone's page Saturday and Sunday. On Monday, it will be business as usual here at O'Leary Air and I will once again be making an arse out of myself on the internet.