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Monday, January 30, 2012

Cultural Differences

I know what yer thinking, "Anne's gone soft. She's writing a feel-good post about how we all need to get along" And I would say this "You're wrong. I'm writing a post about how I married a foreigner. And about how one of the differences in our cultures drives me bat-shit crazy."  And what would that difference be? Arguing. The Hubby just doesn't know how to do it in the correct manner. I'm not saying he's not a fighter.


Yeah, I like Bruce. Do you wanna make something of it? Well do ya?

No, Hubby can go toe-to-toe with me. I wouldn't have been attracted to him in the first place if he wasn't tough. I've a right bloody temper and I needed a man that wouldn't back down in a fight.


What hubby didn't understand was that for many Irish people, a good fight is in reality, a mating ritual. And if done properly, should always end in a good shag.


Further, there are certain "rules of engagement" that he was simply unaware of. Certain "mechanics" were involved in having a successful argument and he had no feckin' clue what those were. He'd start out just fine, with us yelling at each other and both of us working up a good head of steam. It was after the initial yelling began, that he made his most grevious errors.


For instance, he had no idea what the proper response was when I stormed off  and began slamming doors and cursing under my breath. The man actually thought that meant he should try to calm me down. Wrong.


This was his cue to go to his local and STAY THERE for a few hours. This would give me time to yell myself out and, depending on how badly he'd screwed up in the first place,


to break some dishes. And it was  this single error that always led me to do the most dreadful thing that an Irishwoman can do to a man....


Go silent. Now this is a tricky one to deal with. Why even the most skilled of all Irishman have difficulty knowing how to maneuver around this one. For reasons, I could never understand, Hubby thought my silence meant that I wanted to talk about my feelings. Wrong. He'd actually come at me head on with this insane idea. I remember thinking to myself "Did he get this crazy idea from watching American romance movies?" or "Did his mother teach him this shite?"  Some of you men out there are thinking to yourselves "I like it when she goes silent. I get some peace finally." Well you're lying to yourselves and ya know it. None of you can stand it, not for long and not for as long as an Irishwoman is willing to do it. Just ask Hubby, he'll tell ya.

And since we're on the topic of cultures anyway, there's something I'd like to say to some wargamers that I follow whose native tongue is not English. I have installed a translator on my page to help us better communicate with one another.  You will find it at the top of my page on the right. This, Sam, is my way of saying "Thank You"








67 comments:

  1. Establishing the rules of engagement early on should be mandatory in a relationship

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  2. Relationships are to complected for their own good

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  3. I can't imagine you going soft on us. It just wouldn't be right. God only knows where he picked up these crazy notions as to how women work. If he had just gone to the pub like he was supposed to he might have even been able to score a free sympathy pint.

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    1. I know Mark, he's barmy. He's missing out on a pint and a shag with the way he does things.

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  4. My mother used to kill my dad with the silent treatment and he always backed down, I'm lucky as I'm with an english girl and she doesn't have the gift, what a great translation device....

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    1. I thought the SWMBO was Irish. Jesus Christ, how does she handle you then?

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    2. Usually with a bloody big stick and his wallet!!

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  5. Had to go and remind me of Die Hard 4 huh, one of the most garbage sequels ever, dumbing it down to pg was disgraceful. Anyway, yeah blame those damn lovey dovey movies, they always get people messed up, maybe you should create your own script for him like the movies have, then he could just follow it line for line and everything would go how it's supposed too..haha

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  6. See? That's the problem with men. They want to "fix things" so they think it's they're responsibility to appease an enraged woman.

    Rob, thankfully, is Irish. So when my Italian temper flares and I start storming and slamming, he knows to just walk away. Luckily, I know to do the same thing for him and if he dares to follow me with his fuming I tell him that he has a choice--take his anger somewhere else or suffer (and I really do mean "suffer") the consequences.

    One time he got into an argument with a coworker over the phone. He got off the phone and a few minutes later he comes in and starts ranting at me about my children. !!! I cut him off and said, "You are not angry at me or my children right now and I won't let you take your anger out on any of us so just get out of here right now and we can talk about this later when you're being more rational."

    I mean, honestly. What the hell was he thinking? I was sitting there having a nice conversation with my friend and he was supposed to be cooking dinner.

    (When he calmed down, he apologized to me for trying to take his anger out on me and mine and thanked me for calling him out. As for the friend, she was dating his roommate at the time so her being witness to un-company-like behavior was not alarming. I think she was more surprised by how quickly I defused the situation.)

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  7. men eh......... oh yea, we're AWESOME!!!!!

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  8. Am I understanding this right, you argue to have the angry sex? And no one likes the silent treatment, it's just frustrating. And Satia is totally right. Men want to fix things and in the case of people, that only exacerbates the problem.

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  9. Oh wow, the dreaded silent treatment! Some of the girls I used to deal with did use silent to try to make me give them more attention but they were silly little girls who didn't know how to behave properly. It's great to hear about the cultural differences between you and your husband though, I find it extremely interesting to hear how things differ between a couple from very different backgrounds. As annoying as his attempts to instantly make things better in my opinion that's a sign the man has a really good heart, I hope he's holding up much better at the minute.

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  10. That's true...I found that out very quickly in ireland...insulting an irishman is like flirting with them..those bloody bastards!!!

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    1. An insult is a mating call for an Irishman. Being sweet won't get their attention, you have to come at them like a bull to get them to notice you. But they're horny bastards and tend to be worth the effort!

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  11. Oh, poor hubby hubs, I feel like opening a safe house for him :PPPP

    "What hubby didn't understand was that for many Irish people, a good fight is in reality, a mating ritual"
    LOL. I believe this is true in Serbia as well...

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    1. He has an office now and he locks himself in it until I'm done breaking things. He pissed me off once so bad I actually broke every feckin' dish we owned. He was horrified. He didn't know this was normal behavior.

      Our people know how to fight don't they. I feel sorry for people from other cultures.

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    2. did he pay for the new dishes too? :)
      Can't imagine what he did to feel the wrath of an Irish girl :)

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  12. Hahaha, starting argues for make-up-sex? You are a perfect woman.:D

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    1. Thank you. Can you explain this to my Hubby?

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  13. well well, I never knew that arguing was that important to the Irish. I better go pick a fight with some Irish women then!

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    1. Arguing is a vital part of our culture. Why without it, we would never have children. There's nothing like a good fight to get your blood up!

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  14. The silence treatment? Us Italians aren't too good with that one. We like to scream our ever living brains off until we are fully satisfied that our voices can't yell no more. Then we'll forget about it, and when you least expect it, BAM there it is again. And that's how the "crazy" sterotype began. Maybe we should take tips from an Irishwoman ;)

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    1. You Italians girls do the "boomerang" trick on the men. Just when they think you've forgotten about what idiot thing they've done, it comes around to slap them in the back of the head. Keeps 'em off balance.

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    2. LOL Boomerang trick? Love that! Keep em on their toes ;)

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  15. ... so I MUST reply!
    translator??? no! I understand what I understand, it's enough! if I miss something... well...
    But it's a very nice idea! I'm touched! (Good word???)
    About your post: as a man, I don't like when my wife say to me: "keep quiet, keep quiet " when I scream because I'm angry!!!!!!!!!! and when it's her who is angry, I do the same: "keep quiet!"
    pffff, who can understand???
    Cultural difference?? not sure! maybe only personal difference...

    Many thanks, Anne!

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    1. It is a good word Sam. I've other gamers in other countries as well and some of them have translators on their pages too.

      An Irishwoman would never tell her man to "be quiet". It goes against a mans nature not to yell when he's angry. It's the friction between men and women that keep things interesting!

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    2. I'm egoist! yes other ones.... sorry !
      But, I'd missed something in your post!!! shame on me!
      Between my wife and me: well, maybe it's rare yet that we yell... not sure that it's so good!
      but I'm the best "yeller" !... she's not an irish woman !!!
      For my own, I prefer to take time alone and calm down... so she can do the same and wait!

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  16. My being one-quarter Irish suddenly makes sense.


    Silence scares my husband. Terrified.

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    1. It's the most severe form of punishment I can dish out. We've been married 22 years and he's still not immune to it!

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  17. The silent treatment is actually one of the most lethal move a woman can do. You'll be showing emotions even when you cry, shout or throw things around. This gives us some clues on what the problem is, how to please you, and how to apologize afterwards. However, going silent makes you unpredictable and thus very scary.

    I don't think this has anything to do with cultural differences. It's just that men thinks differently from women, which usually results to misunderstandings.

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    1. You're right, when we're silent you guys have no idea what we might do next or how angry we really are. And you're not sure how to get us to talk again. We think it's grand!

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  18. Definitely a few cultural differences there in the give and take in a fight between men and women especially for us poor guys in the states that grew up during the hippy movement. Fortunately I have gotten all that sympathetic feeling stuff out of my system. Nothing like a good divorce for that. Now its about a good ranting, a good glass of scotch by myself and then to enjoy the sweet aftermath with my girlfriend.
    And thanks for putting me on your blogroll Anne.

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    1. A divorce will kick the sympathy out of anyone. All the "feel good" stuff in the 60's was backwards. Men should be allowed to behave like men. Who wants a sensitive man? They're not normal!

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  19. I'm a silent treatment giver. Not proud of it, and I'm doing everything to change my bad habit, but there you go. Hubby cannot stand this and he loses his shit when I do it. I'm learning more productive ways to start fighting to get to makeup sex.

    P.S. Sorry I haven't been around much Anne. I've been so sick, and overwhelmed with too many other blogs. I'll try to keep up. You know I love reading you!

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    1. The Hubby used to ask me "how long will this go on?" I would tell him "the more you talk at me the longer it will take." Drove him up the wall. Still does.

      I know you've been under the weather B. I'm not in the least bit offended.

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  20. It could be man/woman differences too...my husband and I are both from the States and as far as I am concerned, he does not know the proper way to have an argument either.

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    1. An Irishman knows how to have a proper argument. It's an art form really. It's innate to them and it's why we pursue them and they know it!

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  21. It's not just Irish women who do that, when I've been a naughty boy (most of the time), I get the silent treatment, she knows it pisses me off the bitch!! And its always me who has to back down, even if I was in the right, in the first place ! ! !

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    1. Ray when will you men learn that you're always wrong? It would be so much easier on you guys if you could get the hang of that one idea.

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  22. Are you telling me I've been doing it right.. just in the wrong culture? I've been missing out on SEX because my lady ain't Irish? I'm upset with myself right now.

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    1. Yes D4 you've been missing out on some hot monkey love!

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    2. Yes D4, you're missing out on some hot monkey love!

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  23. Try having a row with someone with a psychology degree, who always has to remain calm, controlled and rational. I can see why some women murder their husbands!

    I think most wives feel like they're married to foreigners, because let's face it, men are alien, aren't they?! Still, gotta love 'em! :)

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    1. Ooh that would be difficult. He would analyze everything and think he actually understands you. We can't live without them though.

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  24. Ohhhhhhh, now I get what "shag" means! I'm guessing you thought I was into something really kinky after writing "Shag Carpet Toilet."
    Incidentally, I really like that cartoon. Although, it doesn't look "toe to toe" to me.
    Actually, it looks like more fun.

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  25. haha...trying to calm an angry woman down? Good luck with THAT one.

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  26. Oh man going silent is never a good thing! Even with computers when they go silent there's a whole slew of problems that could be lurking

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  27. The whole storming out to the pub is a celtic thing...my other half still doesn't get it. She goes mental over something....I curse...usually in Welsh...then go off down the pub to calm down. Leaving her to wonder what happened and try and text me continually...
    ....but the make up part is always the best

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  28. Well is sounds to me like A certain Irish girl needs a spanking. I think hobby needs to put you over his knee.

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  29. I love the Pub Escape. Turn the phone off and go have a few. Lower the temperature in the room, a bit. Then if I'm lucky, she's in bed by the time I come home.

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  30. Anne, what a timely topic! I just ended the silent treatment a few hours ago...it just about killed him =P

    And, please don't think I'm jacking your idea in a few days...I was going to post about the whole ordeal before I read this. I promise!!

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  31. How to deal with the silent treatment:
    Start looking. Look everywhere; under cushions, in drawers, behind the clock, down the sides of chair arms. If you run out of places then start again checking the places already looked in.
    Eventually you'll get "What are you looking for?"
    That's your cue to flash your best smile and say "Thank God for that. I've found it. I was looking for your sweet voice."

    Trouble is - it only works once.

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  32. How your husband puts up with you really tells you something doesn't it. :)

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  33. Well, the best part comes when the fight's over and done IMO.
    Cultural difference right there.

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  34. Yeah... I was like that with my girlfriend too. When she went silent I did the exact same thing your husband did.

    Didn't go well for me. ._.

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  35. Anne, send me an email, I've been hard at work all day making you a flag!!!
    rousell68@yahoo.com

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  36. Wow! I don't know how to comment on this! All I can think to say is:

    What if he gets turned on by nice happy time?

    I ask this cause I always get aroused when spending girly cuddle time with my girlfriend and nothing kills my boner quicker then arguing!

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  37. Ahh yes, the dreaded silent treatment...I hate that shit! I would much rather hear her bitching and slamming doors than hear the god awful sound of silence!

    I've been with my wife for nearly 10 years and still haven't figured out how have a good post-argument shagging!

    And Bruce Willis is the classic American tough guy image!

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  38. Dealing with those cultural differences can be hard, but same culture couples have problems too =)

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  39. You mean you can actually have sex after a fight? The wife and I, we just butt heads, say a bunch of mean things, and then cool off. And if she's silent, well, I know that shit's about to hit the fan, and she's so angry that what is about to follow is surely on par with a nuclear meltdown.

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  40. Americans are mostly unable to accept the fact that we do not talk about feelings. And, at least as far as people I know, I think they're afraid of Actual Fighting. 'Tis especially sad for those of us who are naturally warrior-like. ;)

    xoxoxo!

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  41. WARNING: Shameless Attempt To Get You To Read My Blog Tomorrow Ahead
    I mention you in "Call Me Al-The Rerun."

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  42. This is the most awesome blog post ever. Your had me at "...should end in a good shag"

    Love your writing!

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  43. Your husband is either really brave or really crazy.

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  44. Wow, that was great hehe, & the BEST bit of an arguement is the shag after, you're sooo right, cause you haven't really made up 100% before, which makes it even better :) & I know exactly what you mean about slamming doors & silent treatment, it's like 'I want time out yeah' I'm a nightmare when i'm pissed off, soooo stubborn, as the sayojng goes, 'She's not quiet cause she's upset, she's giving you a chance to think about what you did wrong' hehe, Great post :))

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