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Monday, January 16, 2012

Bersercules: Evil Supervillian?

As some of you know, I got myself into a bit of a sticky wicket last week when I issued a challenge to my fellow blogger Bersercules .  The bastard (term of endearment) called my bluff and I had to draw a picture of him in a semi-gay skeletor pose using MS Paint.

So there I was thinking to myself "Holy Christ, I'm fecked, what was I thinking." And then I opened a bottle of gin and the fear left me.  After drinking the second bottle it became clear to me.  Go to Lord Google.  So I went to my trusty laptop and asked "Please Lord Google, show me a picture of Skeletor in a semi-gay pose."  I scrolled down the first page, then the second page, then the third and there were no pictures of Skeletor drawn from behind.  "But I promised everyone I'd have a drawing of Bersercules ass on Monday." I yelled at the dog.  "Please Lord Google, I begged, even a shit drawing by a three year old would make me happy."  Lord Google refused me again.

So I did the only sane thing a person in my condition could do at that moment. Armed only with a trench coat and a fistful of dollars, I headed for the nearest porn shop. I was in a hurry, I had a deadline so I grabbed a shopping cart from the Walmart next-door and threw myself through the door and into the porn shop. "I need naked men and I need them fast!" I yelled at the shopkeeper. I ran through the aisles, scooping piles of porn into the cart as I passed them.

"It's for research." I yelled in the shop-keepers face as I threw a wad of bills at him and ran out the door.  When I got home, I sat down with my pile of porn and began looking. "No, no, no" I said. There were no suitable candidates. So I opened a bottle of tequila and it came to me like a bolt out of the blue "Wrestlers!" So I went back to Lord Google, and lo and behold, there were wrestlers and all of them were built like Skeletor and there were plenty of pictures of them in semi-gay poses.  So I got a piece of paper and a pencil and begen sketching.  After about 5 hours of tearing up sketches and shouting, I'd finally drawn one I thought would work.  I fed that one into the scanner, and took it to MS Paint. 

Three days later, I produced this.


 
I realized as I was sketching that I could not draw a pose with Bersercules looking back over his shoulder with a come-hither look in his eyes. I couldn't get the perspective right. So I drew this, knowing that I'd be cramped for time and would have to pull something out of my ass that looked like Bersercules crossed with Skeletor. So I did this.


 
I call him Berserculor, a hybrid of Bersercules and Skeletor. I didn't have time to finish the paintwork on this one. I haven't slept in 24 hours and I've done all I can do. And honestly, I can't take it anymore. Jesus Christ, the first one took hours and hours. I had to paint individual pixels to get the folds on that hood to look right, and I don't even want to talk about the musculator on that bad boy. Forever and a day, I'm tellin' ya.

But I did learn something, never challenge a Canadian. They're wiley.

75 comments:

  1. I wonder how many times someone has actually bought porn and explained to the cashier "it's just for research!" I would burst out laughing if I saw that IRL.

    Weird Funny News

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  2. Those pictures are fantasic! I love the beard in the second one! And wow you went all out making those muscles for the first one! Wow! Even I didn't know my ass looked that good!

    @speakers4u When ever I buy porn I say its for masterbation purposes, but I usually just use it to practice my drawings!

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    Replies
    1. I told you I was putting muscles in your ass, I hope you like it, because I wore my fingers out shading those buttocks for you!

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    2. You might have wore out your fingers with the shading but by gosh, those buttocks were done well.

      And, this is funny post.

      Well done.

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  3. Portmanteau: a word or morpheme whose form and meaning are derived from a blending of two or more distinct forms (as smog from smoke and fog)

    :)

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    Replies
    1. And I wasn't even trying to be literary. Happy accidents are the best.

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  4. Wrestlers are definitely a handy source for semi-gay poses. Excellent job with the drawings. If only I had half of your artisitic talent! Love and purrs to you and Toki from me and Topaz :-).

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    1. I know, I wish I'd thought of that before I spent all that money on porn. Love back to you and Topazxxx

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  5. Would it be wrong to say that now I am strangely attracted to Berserculor? Just kidding, the door don't swing that way for me!

    Nice drawings!

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad to see that you and the Mrs. are back together. Don't look at Bersercules like that, you'll make him blush.

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  6. hahaha you need porn for research, riiight. don't you know lord google has plenty of that for free?

    Great job too, Besercules never looked so good. Those wrestlers could learn a thing of two from you..haha

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    Replies
    1. I can't take the computer in the bathtub with me Pat.

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    2. Yeah that wouldn't be too safe, you'd be in heaven if they made waterproof ones..LOL

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  7. Berserculor is amazing Anne, this is great stuff, I love how he's retained that incredibly awesome beard. You're right about Canadians too, I've learned the hard way from my Canadian cousins never to play off against them in a game of wits or skill like this, they usually win or cost you dearly if you do manage to get a victory!

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    Replies
    1. I will never try to match wits with Bersercules again and Pat, he's lethal.

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  8. two bottles of gin in one evening, tell me how many do you have in your cellar? Or do you own a private distillery? :)

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  9. I have my own distillery. It's manned by Oompa Loompa' They don't have a union and they never ask for a lunch break. I pay them in crackers.

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  10. He's very hetro and manly Anne, good work and only two bottles...are you cutting back?

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  11. There you are! I thought the world had ended when you didn't post this morning. Yeah I cut back a wee bit, have to watch my girlish figure.

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  12. Great looking artwork yet again!

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  13. IT'S FOR RESEARCH!!

    Why can I actually picture this happening in real life?

    And I could've told you that last line about Canadians. They're a wacky bunch. One of my best IRL friends is one of those and she's a hoot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fiction never strays far from truth. And in my life, fiction and reality get a bit blurred (I think it's the booze). You're right, Canadians are the best, they should migrate and spread the funny around, the world could use it.

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  14. I called the hybrid Bersercletor myself, but Berserculor will do. At least you got it done, and you put a lot of effort into it really. You can be proud of that. Plus you came out of with a ton of porn.

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    Replies
    1. Cheap porn and cheap booze, the two go hand in hand (pun intended). We could make a franchise out of hybridized Berserks. The Bersercaltor, The Bersercamoose, The Bersercagoose, The Bersercabra (zebra hybrid), The Bersercacat... I'm calling Micky D's I'm gonna put one of these in every happy meal in the free world.

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    2. I thought the Bersercabra sounded like some sort of Chupacabra hybrid. I can almost imagine him eating goats.

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    3. I love that, you write the story and I'll do the animation. It'll be great, he'll tear through villages eating goats and maybe a few children...

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    4. That is indeed a story that needs to be written.

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  15. Hi Anne, thanks for stopping by this morning. Great to meet you! You are very talented. Thought I would make a living off art but its writing that opened up. Good luck to you. Now get some sleep!

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    Replies
    1. You're still up as well? We both need to sleep. And congratulations on your new book. The cover art on that is really nice.

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  16. Wow, you can make anything look badass in MSpaint. Next time I need to draw some hero muscles, I'll consult you before I consult Lord Google. Or Lord Gin. Both of whom I'm very familiar with now...

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    Replies
    1. Put down the bottle and step away from the laptop. No good can be had by mixing Lord Google and Lord Gin, Christ look where I ended up. Never mind, we're both here. Go ahead and have that drink and I'll have one with you. Chin up :)

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  17. Your blog so totally rocks, I'm going back to kick my blogs into shape. Keep up the outstanding work!!

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  18. Wow! Those both look amaaazing!!! I'd never have the patience to make something that good.

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  19. Only one question remains, how does a skull maintain a beard?

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  20. wow you got the skillz...nice musculature on both of them...you must have studied quite a bit...smiles.

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  21. Ooh, he's a handsome bugger, innee?! Nice work, Anne! :)

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  22. I too look at porn for "research' so i understand. YOU GO GIRL!! PS i would love to drink gin with you.

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  23. that looks so rad! And the name...genius! I see he's super stoked about this as well (just saw his latest post). Thanks for the tip about messing with Canadians...I'll try to keep that in mind.

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  24. While I'm unfamiliar with your feud, after reading your intro I couldn't help but crack up at the drawing. hahaha It really is an awesome picture. I would so not mess with that Berseculator. lol!

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    Replies
    1. Never challenge him to a duel, you'll lose.

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  25. Berserculor? Yes, I've heard of that porn actor.

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  26. Well, I think you did a great job, especially after a couple of bottles, so is the gauntlet thrown back the other way now? Has The Berserculor got to draw a picture of you in semi-gay Bionic Women!!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Christ Ray, don't give him any ideas.

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  27. Awesome. Wonderful drawings! I like them very much. Congratulations.
    Regards
    Lonewolf

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    Replies
    1. It's nice to see you out Lonewolf. I loved your painting on the kilt today!

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  28. MSPaint?! You're crazy! I mean it's impressive as hell, that's great and all, but just woah!

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    Replies
    1. I've been wanting to do something like this for awhile, just to see if I could do it. I won't do this very often. Put I will do it again.

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  29. Had to come back and look at my ass some more!

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    Replies
    1. People love your ass! Did you ever think so many people would show up just to see your backside.

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  30. Um, unique approach. The picture of the back looks scanned. Is it?

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    Replies
    1. The only thing I scanned was the sketch I drew. What you see comes directly from MS Paint. I did every single bit of that by hand on the computer that I'm typing this reply on right now.

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  31. Bad ass Anne, bad ass my friend.

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  32. I love, love, love your drawings!! I was a bit thrown when you mentioned a porn shop right next store to Walmart...but recovered quickly from my mental image of you running through the parking lot while porn mags flew out of your cart.

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    Replies
    1. I should draw that in MS Paint, it would be hysterical.

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  34. I'm impressed by your dedication. Plus, I think the first image came out looking very impressive.

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  35. Berserculor! That is very impressive. Maybe Berserc should draw you as Wonder Woman in return?

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  36. Is the beard the source of his all mighty power?

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  37. Nicely done. Damn Canadians...

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  38. Lol love that looks awesome!

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  39. That will teach the Canadian to have the temerity to challenge you and your awesome gay artistic skills.

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  40. Even though you swore you'd draw Bersercules' ass, I'm very grateful you chose to cover it with a loincloth, instead.
    Glad you didn't have THAT much gin! :-)
    Bersercules: Evil Super-Villain or Man With a Beard?

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  41. That is amazing! I wish I could draw with so much detail :)

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  42. Well, it's a big hit! Looks like Bers is quite pleased with your art! Next time I draw, I'll try the gin! :)

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  43. Wow. These are really awesome drawings. Thanks for the cool shares!

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  44. LOL even after Bersercules's facial flesh have all rotten away, he still have his beard in place. Wonderful artwork by the way.

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  45. wait, you did that in MSPaint? Holy Gurgle!!!!

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