Earlier this week I was reading my favorite gospel, "The Gospel According to David St. Hubbins" Its mainly an Apocrypha and predicts future events. That gospel deals with the Zombie Apocalypse.
And because I was piss drunk when I was reading it, I saw things that would normally remain hidden. According to my translation, the final sign is occuring now.
Justin Beiber may have fathered a child. Because Beiber had his bollocks removed at age 9 so he could look like a pre-pubescant boy and remain appealing to his audience of paedophiles we all know that his fathering a child isa biological impossibility. Now the Gospel of David St. Hubbins predicts just such an event. A spermless conception will result in the birth of an undead zombie child. And when that child takes a bite out of Daddy, well.....
The Apolcalypse will be at hand then. If you don't already have a plan, now's the time to come up with one. And thanks to those cheeky bastards (term of endearment) over at A Beer For The Shower, I already have mine. A couple of months ago, they asked their readers to develop a plan for the Apocalypse. I took that advice and here's my plan.
The first thing I did was go out and buy a flamethrower. Because the US government is broke, I got a military grade flame thrower at a discount. Six easy payments of $6.66 and that flamethrower was mine. The thing to remember about the Zombie Apocalypse is that you won't be dealing with just a lone zombie here and there. No there'll be millions of them. And because I'm such a nice person and love my fellow human so much, the implementation of my plan will save thousands of lives.
It's a well-known fact that zombies have only one weakness. And that's their love for baby seals. So I'm going to send out a Global broadcast of myself clubbing a baby seal. The zombies will immediately come after me and so will the PETA people. I plan on using those PETA people as a human shield and when the zombies arrive, out comes my flamethrower. In this way I'll be ridding the world of two evils at the same time. I'm pretty sure I'll get the Congrssional Medal of Honor.
I hope the rest of you have a plan, because if the DNA shows that Beiber had a baby, times up.