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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

O'Leary Air Condemned For Giving Shite Service

It appears as if Anne O'Leary is once again in the media spotlight. The rarely sober CEO of O"Leary Air has been taken to task for providing poor quality service to her passengers.  In response to these allegations O'Leary, in typical fashion. called a Press Conference.

"Is this feckin' thing even turned on?" yelled O'Leary into the working microphone. "Oh it is" she yelled at the stunned faces of the people in the front row who had their hands over their ears while they screamed in pain.  "Then turn the feckin' thing down will ya. I can't hear myself think with all this screaming going on" she yelled again.

Slamming an open bottle of gin down on the podium O'Leary said  "Okay ya feckless bastards. My imaginary airline provides quality service at a low price and I'm tired of hearing you gobshites complain about it."  Taking a long drink of gin, she continued "Some of you seem to have a problem with me charging you to go to the loo. Well dammit, a flight on my airline from New York to London only costs you $9.99. That's value for money I'm tellin ya." 

At this point in the proceedings O'Leary fell over.  "Guido, help me up" O'Leary yelled from her position on the floor.  With the support of her Chief Advisor Guido, O'Leary staggered over to the projector at the side of the stage.  "Now because you've all pissed me off. I'm unveiling the new face of O'Leary Air.  I'm lowering my rates to $5.99 but you'll have to pay for some extras. Roll tape Guido."


"All in all I think yer gettin' a fair deal here." O'Leary yelled.  "And if ya complain about this, I'll just charge ya to  breathe the air in the cabin and charge ya for each sheet of toilet paper you use in the loo, so feck off." 

After which O'Leary passed out drunk.  Carried from the room by her Chief Advisor Guido, O'Leary could be heard to mumble "Shit, feck, arse."

31 comments:

  1. That video is not far from the truth either......

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  2. @Angry I know it's not, but it's funny so I slammed it up here. If an O'Leary can't make fun of another O'Leary, well then what's the point of being one?

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  3. Lmao, I love this! People should stop complaining about O'Leary air, I mean their service really isn't that bad.... right? :P

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  4. So true! How did I not find this blog earlier?

    I loved it when they struggled to find exact change...hilarious!

    Great blog!

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  5. hahaha so sad the vidoe is so true. But you are charging me to go to the loo? Pfffft well feck you. I will bring a bedpan and go right in my seat or a bottle if it's a number 1 beat. Then I'll use the shirt sleeve of the arse neck to me and my loo time will be free. hahahaha Afterall with you charging my only half price for a wife, I have to save money somewhere..haha

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  6. The way to solve the security issue is for everyone to fly naked - right?

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  7. I agree with Pat Hatt! If I was gonna get charged for using the toilet I'd just wear a diaper during the flight! Heck they'd have to pay me to use the toilet! (and give me a free peanut too!)
    One thing to say about your airline is: At least you don't pretend like your not a money grubbing arse! Honesty is always best!
    Great post like always! Thanks!

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  8. I once traveled by O'Leary Air, and didn't have the money on hand for a seatbelt so I had to take a job on the airline to cover it. Worst summer of my life.

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  9. 5.99?! I tellsya, I have a bladder control that's unheard of in the modern world. Seatbelts? Pft! My arms are my seatbelts, I can take it!

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  10. @Matthew, yeah it's that bad LOL

    WMrs Workingdan Thank you. glad to see you here.

    @danjour thank you so much for coming. I hope you come back. Not too much for a seatbelt is it?

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  11. @Pat I'm could always charge you to get off the plane. You know that don't you?

    @Barfly that's feckin' brilliant. Then I can charge people to wear Sani-Suits when the get on board.

    @Bersercules We here at O'Leary air pride ourselves on the ability to fleece our customers. I think I'm going to make that our motto "Don't screw us, we'll screw you." I think that would work don't you?

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  12. @Adam I remember that summer. Really it should have only taken you two days to work off the fare, but you looked so good in those gym shorts, I made you stay for the whole summer. Sorry, my bad.

    @D4 just don't piss on the seats. It'll cost you @10,000.00 to have it cleaned.

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  13. I think that motto is great!

    Or this motto: "We screw you and you screw a cheap prostitue that will be provided to you for an additional fee of one thousand dollars and she screws you by giving you ghonereah!"

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  14. @Bersercules I love it. Can I use it? I promise not to charge you anything for the privilage of my stealing your idea. And my girls don't have ghonoreah, they only have syphilis and maybe chlamydia, but definately not ghonerhea.

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  15. OMG OMG, it's another thing you Irish people and us Serbs have in common ;) Our National air service (JAT) is soo shitty that they've only found one possible buyer for it. It was some aircompany from Azerbaijan :)) But then it turned out that even that one was owned by some evil criminal :))) Maybe I should've put sad face instead of smiley in the end of this comment.

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  16. That 3 dollar pamphlet better be the best one in the world.

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  17. I'm hoping that since we're family, I'll be getting a discount. Otherwise I might have to wrestle you, ya greedy bint!

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  18. I fail to believe that any airline run by the beautiful and talented Anne O'Leary could possibly be anything but successful. I suspect corporate sabotage.

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  19. @InterwebsFails, Thank you. Don't forget to fly O'leary Air.

    @JDC Actually its a shit read, but don't blame me I only run the airline, I'm not responsible:)

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  20. @Michelle, honey you fly free, always. And I'll make sure you get 2 peanuts, becuawse I love you that much xxx

    @Otter, I promise to never charge you to go to the loo. Your wee's are on me Otter.

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  21. It works, Anne! Many thanks to you and the rest of the crew, so far it's making for a good listen! :)

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  22. @D4 I'm so glad. I'm just happy that someone who knows music the way you do will take the time to listen to it. Thank you.

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  23. Lol you just made my day!!! Thanks for being so friggin hilarious xD

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  24. @PunkChopsticks, you're most welcome. Did you put up a new post yet? I'm on my way over to check now.

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  25. It's great, by the way. Thought I'd stop by to hand over the final verdict. My ears quite enjoyed playing that over twice. Again, thank you :)

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  26. Charge me to get off...hmmm I might pay for that. Ohhh you mean get off the plane, pfft feck that. I'll hide in a luggage bag.

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  27. @Anne Sure you can use it! So about these girls not having ghonereah! Would you like them to get ghonereah?

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  28. @Pat We charge for baggage now. Hadn't you heard?

    @Bersercules you got some to give do ya? Got any crabs? My girls don't have those either and some of them wanna know what that would be like.

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  29. @Anne Crabs? Heck no! What kind of diseased person do you take me for! So do they want some ghonereah or not?

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