Some of you may remember when I introduced me bulmastiff Toki a couple of months ago. She had been put out on the street very young and I had to feed her from a bottle for the first week. She was a scrawny little thing who loved to sit on my shoulder and help me with my blog. And she was a sweet too, purring all the time, giving me nose bumps and acting like I was the center of her universe.
All that affection was part of a master plan. That's right, she took away my free-will. Before I knew it, I was doting on her.
It was a bloodles coup I'm tellin' ya. She used the power of cuteness to control me. Now I find myself standing at the grocers for twenty minutes wondering which flavor of cat food she'd like best; Super
Supper, Ocean Fillet, Tuna, Fishermans Delight or Beef Pate. Christ, all this for an animal who licks her own arse.
The little bugger even sits on my bass and I let her. Jesus Christ, I'd slap my own husband if he dared touch the thing. But not me little shoulder-monkey, "Oh aren't you just a darlin' " I say. "You look so cute sitting there. How would you like to climb the curtains? I won't get mad, I promise."
And she looks at me as if to say "Dance puppet dance." She's not going to get any bigger the vet says and she doesn't have much hearing. But that hasn't slowed down her plans for world domination. If you see her coming your way, run, run for your life.
Now I'm going to add this: You may feel the overwhelming temptation to make pussy jokes in the comments. And you can, if that's what you really want to do. But if you do, I'm going to reply to your comment with a dick joke. Who knows, it could be entertaining.
All photographs have my signature embedded and are source located to my camera. Copy, crop, paste and you'll wake up with cat shit in yer bed.