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Monday, December 5, 2011

Beating the Neighbors Into Submission

I know what yer thinking "Jesus Christ, she was clubbing baby seals on Friday and today she's talking about beating her neighbors.  Is she drunk again."  And I would say this "Of course I'm piss drunk ya bastards, but I'm only speaking figuratively about beating my neighbors." 

One of the things I like to do when I'm not busy running O'Leary Air is play drums.




And as I'm sure you know, drums tend to be a little loud. 





Now that's a 26 inch Ludwig bass I'm sitting in front of (and in this case gentleman size matters ), so it tends to be very loud.  And occaisionally a neighbor will be bothered by the sound and experience an uncontrollable urge to tell me so. 





That's one of my former neighbors, Cathy McCunty pictured above.  McCunty was new to the neighborhood and was either stupid or unaware of how potentially dangerous I am, so she got pissy with me about my playing.  "Do you have to play those things so damn loud" she said. "It's driving me crazy."  And I responded wirh "Drums don't come with a volume knob. They're built to project sound, they're just fulfilling their destiny."  And then she made the fatal mistake of saying "I know a guy who plays drums and he uses muffles to dampen the sound. Why don't you just muffle those damn things."  And I looked her straight in the eye and said this "Feck off McCunty."

It was clear to me then that McCunty didn't know the meaning of the word loud, and I felt it was time to teach it to her.



So the next day when I sat down to practice, I miked my drums and ran 'em through an amp.  After about an hour, I realized I was out of vodka, so I put down my sticks and went downstairs.  And this is when I heard the pounding on the door.  "It's probably McCunty" I thought.  So I opened the door ready to lay into her.....




McCunty had called the coppers.  "We've had a noise complaint Miss, you need to tell your boyfriend to stop playing those drums"  My first instinct was to slap him, but I restrained myself. Fortunately I was drunk, so I knew exactly how to handle this little situation.  You see, some men find the idea of a chick drummer hot, and knowing this, I flirted with him.  Well it worked.  He went away telling me how sorry he was that I had to live next door to such a horrid woman and promised never to respond to one of her calls again. 

You would think McCunty would have learned her lesson, she didn't.  She continued to harrass me when she saw me out in the yard.  "It's just repetitive noise," she said.  "And if any of it goes to a song, I can't imagine what that song would be."  Clearly it was time to teach McCunty another lesson.


It was time to let McCunty know what some of the rhythms I was playing went with. And most people know Beatles songs, so I'd thought I'd play a few of those for her. So I set up my mike again and sang along with my thrash metal version of Norwegian Woods.  "I once had a girl or should I say, she once had me,"  I screamed off-key into the mike.  Next I launched into Helter Skelter and finished with Twist and Shout.  McCunty moved a short time after that.

Now I've already got the neighborhood I'm living in beaten into submission, but I've got new people moving in next door.  So I'm working on a metal arragement of We Can Work It Out.  I hope they like it.

All original photographs have my signature embedded and are source located to my camera. Copy, crop paste and I'll move into your neighborhood.


















30 comments:

  1. Chicks with drums...what could be better...not having them live next door to you.LOL

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  2. Or me...Vodka yes, drums noooooo!
    Saying that my mrs was in town with our two youngest girls, when they spied some rather brightly coloured Christmas stockings, Holly 6 said "Cor mum can we have some of them to hang up?" Then Nieve 4, piped up shaking her head," No., they're no good mum, you won't be able to get my drum kit in them!!"
    What bloody drumkit???

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  3. @Angry, somehow I don't think I could beat you into submission. I'd have to bribe you with expensive paint.

    @Ray, If there's a drumkit, you'll find out about it. The question is, will you be able to stand it? Maybe all your girls will get instruments and they'll form a band. I'm I giving you nightmares yet?

    @GT Thank you.

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  4. My cousin got a drumset for his birthday many years ago. It was set up in his room when I visited. The next time I visited it was in the garage. The next visit it was located in the outdoor storage unit. Then it mysteriously vanished. My aunt and uncle bought my 3 year old daughter a flute recently and cited the drumset my cousin received from my parents 30 years ago as the reason. I didn't know karma was passed down a generation, lol.

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  5. @Otter, I know what you mean. Kids ask for instruments and then never play them. It's like adults with exercise equipment. You use that rowing machine for a week and then it becomes a place to store your shoes.

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  6. A chick that plays any kind of rock instrument is hot in my books. And as long as she's banging more than just her drum (I'll be her drum for a day), she can make all the noise she wants. Ohhh yeeeeah.

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  7. Hey Anne, in response to your comment on my blog I was being silly. I put a lot of work into posting when I can and for some reason get way too over upset when people seem to be put of by what I'm saying, I'm definitely one to overreact way too much. As for the tramadol and the Jeffries, both are running out so soon I will be stopping, as painful as that will be.

    Anyway, this post is awesome, it's probably one of my favourites I've read around here. McCunty sounds like a horrible bitch, especially calling the cops on you like that, although how you dealt with them was pretty funny. My family were once driven out by a neighbour like that so it's cool to hear about how you bravely stood up to her like you did. It's your house and you have the right to do whatever you want so it's great you taught her a lesson.

    " And I looked her straight in the eye and said this "Feck off McCunty."

    This made me laugh really hard. Great stuff as always Anne!

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  8. I hope this is a true story. Or at least based on one. I'd LOVE to be the neighbor of a musician, and I feel that anyone that feels differently than I do about that deserves a higher dosage.

    It's like a proverb we have over here: If you don't want coffee, I'll give you 3 cups.

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  9. @ABFTS thanks for that I give my husband a good shag on a regular basis and as I'm a screamer, well the neighbors hear that as well. But for some reason, they don't complain.

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  10. @Matthew, I know you put a lot of yourself into your blogs and that's why I like reading you. You'll proabably struggle with addiction for awhile, but I think you'll beat it in the end. I have faith in you Matthew, you're a really fine person

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  11. @aD4 this is based on a true story. I had male drummer friends who told me not to back down and they routinely miked their drums after someone complained. And I do write metal arrangements of Beatles songs. I have a version of Yesterday that would make your ears bleed.

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  12. My friend Lauren is learning to play the drums so she can be the chick drummer in a White Stripes tribute band. I will have to tell her about the vodka.

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  13. I want to beat my neighbors, literally.

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  14. Well played, m'lady!

    I would love to be your neighbour. :D

    My ex-boyfriend/ex-roommate brought a drum set into our apartment when I was at uni. Normally I would have no problems with that sort of thing in my house, but I figured that since we lived on top of about 12 other apartments, it might get us into trouble with the neighbours... Turns out most of the neighbours were ok with it (other college students), but this evil woman DOWN THE EFFING STREET kept complaining, and then made it her personal mission to have all of us arrested. I lost count of the number of times the cops showed up at my door because they had been "tipped off" to illegal activity.

    xoxo

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  15. @Jimmy Tell her I said cheers. I don't know why there aren't more of us as women have natural rhythm. And vodka halps, it always helps.

    @Interweb I say do it. But wait until after dark and take a blanket with you. If you throw the blanket over their heads, it will muffle their screams.

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  16. @Mich we'd have a splendid time together you and I. Two hobbit sizaed ferocious Irishwomen terrorizing the locals, it would be grand.

    McCunty caved under the pressure,but I did get run out of town once years ago. And it was only one person that hated me. Unfortunately that one person was the mayor.

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  17. hahaha oh the cat is glad he doesn't live near you, he does have delicate hearing you know..haha Although he'd never be beaten into submission. Instead he'd get earplugs and charge admission. Make a buck or two well you play and smile all day..haha And also added you to the rhyming blogroll thingy I have as well. Since you blogged me around the world at your cell..haha

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  18. Eeeeeeeeee I wanna hear metal Yesterday! And your drummer friends, they're awesome.

    Also, no I don't play anything. I think it's because I can't that I admire it more.

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  19. @Pat, thank you for adding me to your blog roll. I have a cat and I know how that works. She is my overlord and I live to do her bidding.

    @D4 I love that song and playing it all trashy is fun. If it wasn't for the guys I'd have backed down and would never have lived it down. I would imagine you have a really good ear by now though, so maybe you should pick up an instrument and see what happens.

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  20. You need to invite other drummers to come over and play with you...

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  21. "Helter Skelter'? Nice.........
    26 INCHES!!?? Awwwwww.....crap!!!!!!!!!!!

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  22. @Bersercules if I did that the riot squad would show up.

    @Al Penwasser I'm so glad someone picked up on that joke. You leave the best comments. Thank you for taking the time to stop by my page, I appreciate it.

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  23. I need to have you teach me to play drums, Anne. I can already sing so together we'd be positively ruthless! Then we could go find McCunty and give her a show ;-). Love the fact that you do metal arrangements of Beatles songs. The Beatles are my all-time fave group.

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  24. @Michelle, The two of us could sell out the 02 Arena faster than Zep did. Love the Beatles too. McCartney was my first crush.He's married again, dammit.

    @Kingmush thank you. Do you play?

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  25. @Anne Make sure all the drummers over at your place are cute girl drummers who know how to flirt!

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  26. @Bersercules for a man who loves cheezy shows as much as I do--anything.

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  27. @Bersercules, anytime. We here at O'Leary Air aim to please. I'm glad you asked. It's gonna be a great blog I tell ya.

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