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Monday, November 21, 2011

The Spawns Scheme To Save The Irish Economy

Now ya might asking yourself "Is she referring to the Irish Minister of Finance, Michael Noonan whose current scheme involves raising taxes on an already over taxed people?"  And I would say "No. If I was referring to Noonan I'd use the term gobshite." 



This would be The Spawn I'm referring to, my own lovely daughter. Now don't let those blue eyes fool you.  The Spawn can turn a man to stone with a look at 50 paces and she shoots flames out her nostrils when pissed off.  She's expert at throwing things across the room at a velocity that can create a sonic boom.  Now these traits are normal for most Irish women. They evolved over a millenium to enable us can handl the Irish male.


For the five or six braindead zombies out there who don't know it, the Irish economy is in the shitter.  My first warning of The Spawns increasing distress over the fate of her country came about when we elected our new President,  Michael Higgins.



To hear Higgins speak is a wonderful thing indeed. He's a poet and a former broadcaster and listening to him speak of his hopes for our country can set your heart to singing.  While the rest of us were filled with hope and happiness, The Spawn responded like this "Now mum, I know the words are lovely and they're exactly what we need to hear right now, but they're just words.  Hope won't fix our problems."  The Spawn is what I call a "political junky".  If a politician takes a piss in an alley, my daughter knows about it. 


As I said earlier my first warnings of The Spawns distress came about a little late in the game. Unbeknownst to me and my husband, The Spawn had begun her serious worrying months ago.  And she had already begun to develop a scheme. Her plan was to increase tourism and bring new graduates with their own cash into the country to partner with young Irish and begin their own businesses.


The Spawn plans on packin' 'em in by the trainload.  You girls back home remember D* and his mum B* who visited last year?  Well, they're coming back and bringing the rest of their family with them.  The Spawns scheme goes something like this.  Rent a home in Galway for a month, then visit Limerick and then spend time in Dublin. That way the money gets spread around and the people get to see enough of Ireland to want to come back every year. And who's going to be driving these people across the country? Not me. It will be up to you girls to pull this thing off together.


Now the way The Spawn has it figured, if she stops now she'll be bringin in €48,000.00 in new tourist dollars next year.  Does The Spawn intend to stop there? No.  Her goal is €100,000.00 by the end of 2012.  Are my husband and I going to put the breaks on this thing? We won't stop her unless she frets herself into a mess. 

And the other thing you girls back home have been hearing about is true.  She wants to open a business of her own with her brother and some of you.  The question that remains is this "Will we, her parents, bankroll this endeavor?"  The answer to that question is this "We're thinking about it. But not until 2013."  So keep your noses clean and stay in school girls or the answer is NO.

Will The Spawn succeed in her goals? Will my husband and I survive her scheme? The answer to the first is "Perhaps" the answer to the second question is "Not bloody likely." 

All original photographs have my signature embedded and are source traced directly to my camera. Copy, crop, paste and I'll have The Spawn turn you to stone.









17 comments:

  1. It's great to see you daughter is being somewhat proactive and thinking about the economy.

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  2. It sounds like a plan, long time since I've seen gobshite in print...excellent word and very apt for that eijit or idiot as some people spell it.

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  3. Thanks Angry, this is about as political as I'll ever get. And I'm not saying much here.

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  4. I'd rather listen to hope than some fear-mongering burning bush.

    I love your daughter's plan. Sounds like a winner to me. But I have to ask, do parents ever survive any scheme their children have? Not from my personal experience.

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  5. I agree so much with your daughter, words sound great but actions is what's needed to get you guys safely out of these troubles. I'm not sure if you're in agreement with me or not but I blame Bertie Ahern completely for what happened, he lived in the there and then spending recklessly and now we're paying for his mistakes.

    My Irish cousin from Killdare was telling me when they visited in September he claims the biggest mistake he made was not seeing through the completion of the Bertie Bowl which we both found ridiculous considering how he didn't plan for the future and left us in the trouble we're in now!

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  6. I'm agreeing with Angry, gobshite is a great phrase, and I know I've read it here before. Sounds like you've got a future political scientist on your hands. You poor lass. It's good that your daughter has taken an interest in something besides Justin Bieber or Katy Perry, I suppose.

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  7. First off, I'm not a big fan of sonic booms, so you've chopped down a pretty big portion of women titled "Irish" that I'm not man enough to handle. Why you're cutting my options down so early, I don't know.

    Secondly, I'm the same with politicians. Everybody all impressed with the political poetry, I'm always there to tone it down, make everyone less happy and take away the fantasy haze. At least she's productive, though.

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  8. wow you really did your research. As always great post

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  9. That is awesome. And scary. You Irish people intimidate me. ^_~

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  10. The Spawn is quite an enterprising young lady. I like her already!

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  11. @Satia. I thought you had shut down your blog. I'm following you again. How's school going?

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  12. @Matthew. I'm with you Ahern is largely responsible. He should be rotting in prison but he's not. He's writing a Sports Column and the man can't even speak properly. He was once quoted as saying that Lehmans Bank was a world bank because it has testicles everywhere.

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  13. @ABFTS Christ, if my daughter ever listened to Justin Bieer or Katy Perry I'd have her DNA analyzed, because no child of mine could be that stupid.

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  14. @D4 haha. Not all Irish women have tempers like this, but we O'Leary women do. I'm sure you could find a nice quiet Irish woman somewhere.

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  15. @Michelle. She's a good kid. A bit high strung. I wonder where she gets that? hmmmm

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  16. She's definitely onto something here! She sounds very switched on - best of luck to her!

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