"Jesus Christ Anne, this time you've gone too far." she screamed in my ear. "King Harald V got a hold of Bridey the other day...." "Is this about Guido?" I cut her off midsentence. "Of course it is you eejit." she screamed even louder. "You blogged about him and word got back to Norway. You know how those people are about trolls Anne. Not only have you named him Guido, but you refer to him as your pet." And this is what I said before I slammed the phone down in her ear "If it was a big deal, Bridey would have called me herself. So feck off Margie."
It appears as if I have some explaining to do. The people of Norway are upset because I call Guido here my pet. Now let me ask you this, "Have you ever tried to get a troll through customs?" It can't be done. The people of Norway are offended by his name as well and they want to know how I acquired a troll in the first place. Apparrently they think I may have somehow stolen one of theirs. Well I didn't. Guido here came to me of his own accord.
When I was a wee girl of about six or seven, I used to play make-believe. My favorite game to play was "I'm the Queen of Ireland" And with the last name of O'Leary, this didn't seem too far-fetched.
I tore through our fields singing at the top of my lungs every day. I sang songs like Four Green Fields, Johnny I Hardly Knew You and The Hills of Connemara.
One morning, out of the cold North, there came a troll.
I jumped down off the back of my horse, who had eyes as blue as mine, and threw myself at the troll. "If you're going to kill me troll, do it now" I shouted up into his face. Well, that troll surprised me, he did. He knelt down and looked me right in the eye and this is what he said. "I've come a long ways to find the voice of the one singing those songs every day. I've had to leave my home and I'm looking for a companion to suit me." I cocked my head sideways, taking the measure of him and asked "Where are ya from and why did ya have to leave?"
With a look of fierce anger he said "I'm from Scotland and every time I upgrade my weapons, I have to pay a higher VAT." Well I didn't know exactly what that meant, but I knew it meant taxes and that was a serious matter indeed. "Do you have a name troll?" I asked. He leaned in close and whispered it in me wee ear. Now, I can't tell you his name and you all know it. There's power in a name and this troll needed my protection, so I promised to never repeat it. Right then and there I decided to call him Guido.
And that's all your getting out of me Norway. So feck off.
All the pictures that have my signature are source located directly so my camera. Copy, crop, paste and next time a King or a President of a country gets pissed off at me, I'll give him your number.
Comments are open again. I've got some serious shit to attend to today and I need Guido at my side.