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Monday, October 10, 2011

I've pissed off Norway

Now, I know what yer thinkin' "I can see how she could piss off a person, even an entire group of people, but Christ Almighty, an entire country?"  I know, that's exactly what I thought. You can imagine my surprise then when I answered the phone yesterday and heard my Cousin Margie at the other end.



"Jesus Christ Anne, this time you've gone too far."  she screamed in my ear.  "King Harald V got a hold of Bridey the other day...."  "Is this about Guido?" I cut her off midsentence.  "Of course it is you eejit." she screamed even louder. "You blogged about him and word got back to Norway.  You know how those people are about trolls Anne. Not only have you named him Guido, but you refer to him as your pet."  And this is what I said before I slammed the phone down in her ear "If it was a big deal, Bridey would have called me herself. So feck off Margie."


It appears as if I have some explaining to do. The people of Norway are upset because I call Guido here my pet. Now let me ask you this, "Have you ever tried to get a troll through customs?"  It can't be done.  The people of Norway are offended by his name as well and they want to know how I acquired a troll in the first place.  Apparrently they think I may have somehow stolen one of theirs. Well I didn't. Guido here came to me of his own accord.


When I was a wee girl of about six or seven, I used to play make-believe.  My favorite game to play was "I'm the Queen of Ireland"  And with the last name of O'Leary, this didn't seem too far-fetched.



I tore through our fields singing at the top of my lungs every day.  I sang songs like Four Green Fields, Johnny I Hardly Knew You and The Hills of Connemara. 



One morning, out of the cold North, there came a troll.



I jumped down off the back of my horse, who had eyes as blue as mine, and threw myself at the troll.  "If you're going to kill me troll, do it now" I shouted up into his face.  Well, that troll surprised me, he did.  He knelt down and looked me right in the eye and this is what he said.  "I've come a long ways to find the voice of the one singing those songs every day.  I've had to leave my home and I'm looking for a companion to suit me." I cocked my head sideways, taking the measure of him and asked "Where are ya from and why did ya have to leave?"  




 



With a look of fierce anger he said "I'm from Scotland and every time I upgrade my weapons, I have to pay a higher VAT."  Well I didn't know exactly what that meant, but I knew it meant taxes and that was a serious matter indeed.  "Do you have a name troll?"  I asked.  He leaned in close and whispered it in me wee ear.  Now, I can't tell you his name and you all know it.  There's power in a name and this troll needed my protection, so I promised to never repeat it.  Right then and there I decided to call him Guido. 

And that's all your getting out of me Norway.  So feck off.

All the pictures that have my signature are source located directly so my camera. Copy, crop, paste and next time a King or a President of a country gets pissed off at me, I'll give him your number.

Comments are open again. I've got some serious shit to attend to today and I need Guido at my side.



16 comments:

  1. I remember hearing about you and your voice and it's only Norway, I'm still down about the boys at the weekend though.

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  2. Did you know Bridey or as its spelt here is Scotland "bridie" is an equivalent of a cornish pasty but Scottish style.
    I do love a munch on a warm bridie.
    Any feekin VAT is see why he left but if ever he wants to come home for a sabatical he can stay at mine. We can share a bridie !!!!

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  3. In fact dont worry about pissing off Norway ............ because come this weekend I am going to make it my mission to piss off Wales ........Allez le Bleu !!!!!!!

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  4. I feel the same way Angry. After the game I had to go to a childs birthday party and pretend I was happy. I expect my feet will be dragging for a few days.

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  5. C'mon Angry sing with me baby ............. "I'm leaving on a jet plane" ..........I cant hear you !!!!

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  6. Lad, I'm still pissed off at Wales. When they all started calling us Paddies, I almost lost my mind. I'll send Guido to you for the weekend to help you piss them off. He'll paint his face blue and enjoy a warm bridie with you.

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  7. Its strange, if they really wanted to voice their opinions then a middle man...well in this case middle woman would not be needed...Norway should get bigger balls...just saying lol

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  8. Say it again Lad, I don't think he heard you.

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  9. Alley, I think they felt it was safer this way. The actual King of Norway approaching the make-believe Queen of Ireland directly, well it could cause an international incident.

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  10. I think the troll should've been called William Wallace, just to piss off the Scotts.
    And then again don't worry about Norway, i'm pretty sure they were already plotting something.

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  11. Let them be angry. This is payback for all those years of terrible Norwegian speed metal.

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  12. William Wallace was worse than a troll. The troll could happily be called William Wallace ........... then he can go and kick some ass !!

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  13. Unless he is not a tough troll. Or a troll with an ego issue. A troll who thinks he is better than he is then you could name him after anyone in the England rugby set up ........... tee hee still laughing here.
    Angry .......... why you not singing ????

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  14. Rabbi, I would never want to piss off the Scotts. Norway may now be plotting my demise.

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  15. @B&B I'd forgotten about the speed metal origins in Norway. You're right boys, I have nothing to feel bad about.

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  16. Lad, my troll is savage and his origins are old. I'll tell the rest of his tale in other blogs. You seem to be having fun today. I like seeing you fiesty and crazy happy.

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