Within minutes of the win, the fight over who the proudest Irishman in the country began. Now, I'm stating for the record here that we all agree that the title ultimately goes to the family members of the boys on our team. I'm talking about the rest of the country. And from what I hear the competition is fierce.
Why my own nephew Arlen, has taken the crown in County Cork, being as he's the only man still standing and he has held every ounce of his drink without sicking up once. The boy is built like a tank I'm tellin' ya. So don't mess with him. The finals will be held in Dublin, for those who are still conscious And it's going to be a tough win, with O'Driscoll being a Dublin boy.
Now there's a seperate prize for those Irish who are standing on foreign soil. And I'm claimin' the crown in the States here and now. My cousin Margie in New York thought she had won it, but I told her she hadn't. A Kiernan has never bested an O'Leary in the past and nothing has changed on that score. "Margie" I told her, "Spray painting O'Driscoll on the back of all the Saints statues at your parish Church did nothing to help us win. It just bought you a ticket to hell." And before slamming the phone down in her ear I said this "I'm calling your mother Bridey next week to tell her what you've done and it's me that will be sitting next to her on the plane to New Zealand next week. So feck off."
Next week we're playing against Wales and it will be an epic battle and I'm already working on the win. I'm flying in a full batalion of nuns to do the Stations of the Cross every day at St. Elizabeths over here, a high mass is being held on Wednesday and Friday, I'm praying a decade of Rosaries, I've got candles lit around the clock and I've paid the Pope an undisclosed amount of money to say a private mass for us. You can't compete with me Margie so give it up. When we win next week, the crown will be mine again.
It's a great day to be Irish and I'm feeling sorry for you if your not.
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