Now ya might be askin' yerself "Why in Gods name would she be thrilled about a troll showin' up on her page? Is she daft?" "No, I'm not daft" I'd answer "Ya see, Trolls are good for business" Let me explain.
One of the primary characteristics of a troll is the desperate need for attention. After the troll leaves its comment, it feels an uncontrollable urge to visit your page every couple of minutes just to see if you've replied to it. This drives up your pageviews.
The people who read your page regularly often notice the troll attack and want to see how you're going to handle the situation. So they monitor your page, further driving up your pageviews. Since this was my first attack, anticipation in Twitterland was high. What would I do? Eviscerate it or ignore it?
I played this one close to the vest, I tell ya. I've been waiting for this glorious day for months so I was prepared. I had a battle plan in my hip pocket.
Now everyone knows what the troll is looking for.
The troll wants to provoke you in order to get a response. Trolls feed off of your irritation. It makes 'em feel big. So I gave it what it wanted. I fed it with a nasty retort. It did just what I expected it to do. It came back lookin' for another feeding. Now I know what yer thinkin'. It wasn't fair to play with the troll like that. Everyone knows they're simple minded creatures and it's just not right to bait them. Now, I'm tellin' ya that's not what I was doin'. I needed a positive ID on this troll before I counted coup on it.
It takes a troll to properly identify a troll. So I sent for Guido, my pet troll. Had him flown in first class from Ireland so he could get a good whiff of the bugger before I posted this blog. When the troll returned to make its next comment, Guido was at my side. "That's a feckin' troll" he said. And that was all I needed.
So what did I do? I blocked it and then deleted its comments. But not until after I had captured and stored the image of its avi and its comment on my hard drive. I treasure that troll and its comments. Why, I'm sleeping with the printout of its face under me pillow. And today, I'm feeding the troll by writing about it. I'm not being cruel, I'm being kind. I'm giving this little troll the attention it so desperately needs. The trolls real identity will never be shared. That's safe with me, Toki and my pet troll, Guido.
The folks in Twitterland know of my kindness to bots. I collect them. I welcome each new bot upon it's arrival with a familiar phrase. "Welcome to my collection bot. I hope you enjoy your brief stay." Well, I'm doing the same thing with the trolls in Bloggerland. I'm going to collect them. When one shows up, I'll give it my standard welcome. So this message is for you, my first and favorite troll.
"Welcome to my collection troll. I hope you enjoy your brief stay"
Now we're layin' odds in Twitterland that this troll will return soon wearin' a different avi. That's okay, Guido here will sniff him out. He's already got the scent of him and says he smells tasty.
I'm hoping that over time more trolls will come to visit my page. When I collect enough of them, I plan on opening a Troll of Fame Page. It'll be fantastic.